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Ketamine

Ketamine: Some Observations

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Hello again. This is Susan from MyKetamineStory.com. I have given my subject matter a lot of consideration. I thought I might slowly lead into this sensitive topic but decided I am going to just jump right into deep waters and address an issue I have struggled with once during my last 2.5 years of Ketamine therapy. I feel I might be able to provide insight to others that may have questions about Ketamine treatments and possible pitfalls.

I was recently watching a video on YouTube that another Ketamine user posted about his most recent treatment experience. I have enjoyed watching his videos because they are informative and real. My fellow sufferer, whose name is Jon, typically posts videos praising Ketamine therapy. I was aware that he has been struggling for many weeks now. He was actually pretty distressed and it showed in his video. He had been shaken to the core by the outcome of his last treatment. Like me, this gentleman has been getting Ketamine therapy to help his treatment resistant depression and has remarkable success, too. In his case, he has been receiving Ketamine for the last six months or so. I have been communicating via email with him and his latest Ketamine session has me wanting to address his situation in a blog post of my own. The reason I want to share his story is because Jon has valid concerns I want to address.

I want to respect my friend’s privacy so I will refrain from posting a direct link to his video blog just now. I am sure it won’t be too difficult to locate for those interested in knowing more. There are not too many patients writing or vlogging about Ketamine for depression.

In brief, the topic of the video Jon just posted this week was on how Ketamine failed him during his latest appointment. The anxiety he feels has made it nearly impossible for him not to feel discouraged. I will preface this by saying that prior to this recent post Jon has had phenomenal results with Ketamine therapy. I feel very optimistic that my friend will rebound when he is able to move past his fear.

I believe that when you find Ketamine and respond well to the initial treatments, you may encounter a session that doesn’t feel as powerful as previous Ketamine treatments you’ve had, and flashbacks of all the your previously failed treatment regimens weigh heavily on your mind. I experienced it. Doubt begins to swim in and tug at your toes. Doubt is a persistent nag and soon it has pulled you into its vortex. You want to fight back. You want to kick free and change these damaging thoughts that threaten to consume you. I pushed back. I had no choice. These thoughts want to convince us that we will always be suicidal and profoundly depressed. When Ketamine takes action you know how ridiculous this train of thinking is. I know how bogus these thoughts should be, but when it’s time for another treatment of Ketamine they are not at all absurd.

Those of us with treatment resistant depression are extremely familiar with medication failures. We know what it is like to try to be hopeful and have those dreams dashed by reality. The reality is that nothing in our past has improved the symptoms, and here is yet another treatment that we can add to our rejects list.

I am here to add a tiny bit of comfort. I hope. I feel that if you are responding to Ketamine therapy and getting noticeable relief, your chances of continued success are increased. You may wonder why I feel I can make a statement as bold as that. I can because there is no documentation proving otherwise. I say this with a massive smile on my face. I will also add a more acceptable reason for those that don’t find me at all amusing. I feel I can share my findings and insights because of my personal success with Ketamine. I waited a couple years to make my judgments and feelings about Ketamine public. I have a history of failed medications and treatments. A long history. As of 2015, I have only been using Ketamine to manage my depression. I have privately documented and observed myself obsessively. I would not endorse or boast rashly about treatments. I promise you. I naturally question and research. When I was introduced to Ketamine there was absolutely no information available online. In retrospect, I believe this lack of findings was best for me. I suffer with OCD and could spend hours researching and comparing myself to others. I desperately wanted reassurance that I was okay. I also needed to know what to expect. If I was having a side effect I wanted to know that I wasn’t the only one. I needed to know when I should call a doctor. I would not rest until I was well educated on whatever current treatment my doctors were trying. I will admit to you that I can totally appreciate being oblivious regarding Ketamine. I stopped looking and focused on my own recovery. It helped me focus on me and stopped my compulsive comparing.

I do however see the value of knowing what to expect. I will discuss all aspects of Ketamine therapy in future blogs. I plan to continue having Ketamine therapy for my treatment resistant depression and don’t see that changing anytime soon. For now, it does relax me knowing that it has been over two and half years and I am continuing to improve. I have worked through that doubt monster. I choose to stay optimistic.

I have written before about my anxieties about not being able to afford infusions. I have expressed how uncomfortable the thoughts of being engulfed in darkness again, even briefly, can disrupt my world. It is really no surprise that the depression wants to constantly remind us how it is in charge. Treatment resistant depression is vicious. I know in the beginning of my journey with Ketamine that I was terrified to invest all my hope in a medication that was still in clinical studies.

In early 2015, the information available consisted of vague studies and little else. I spent two years working through all my hang ups with Ketamine while simultaneously getting healthier and healthier. It is undeniable how much centers like The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ have helped provide Ketamine to the public. Information is now available. I have spoken to other success stories too. It has been a pleasure to learn that more people are finding Ketamine and getting relief. We have compared notes and remarkably we all agree Ketamine is like no other treatment we have subjected ourselves to before.

I digress.

I watched Jon’s Ketamine video and couldn’t resist posting a comment. I usually reach out to a person in a more private avenue, such as an email or phone call. The last time Jon received Ketamine, it brought up a lot of unresolved issues and feelings. The pain of his memories and thoughts led him to believe and fear that Ketamine was failing him. Trust is difficult to obtain when our histories have demonstrated that nothing can improve the depressive symptoms. It is easy to assume that once again failure has shown its hideous face again.

I was saddened by his Ketamine video. The painful struggles Jon has been dealing with lately made me want to openly reply. I thought it was important; just in case someone viewed his video and had a less than ideal experience. I did follow my public comment to my friend by reaching out through a more personal email. It was my hope that he might routinely check his email. I wanted to reassure Jon. Plus, I am not sure how often he is online. I thought it might be helpful for him to hear my words.

I want to help others considering Ketamine as well as those in the early stages of treatment. I live in this world of treatment resistant depression and understand. I do. It is a complicated world. The depression filters are strong and incredibly believable. Our mental illness has an ugly default setting. Depression lies to us over and over again. It deceives us in very convincing ways.

I highly recommend getting cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to assist the Ketamine. I recently told my doctor that I felt my recovery needed three things. The first and most crucial is Ketamine therapy. Secondly, in conjunction with the Ketamine I need to practice mindful meditation daily. Lastly, I think we all need a professional to help process these new thoughts and feelings. Our depression has been lifted. It is amazing. We are in a honeymoon phase for months. Ketamine is our hero. We have nothing to complain about because we are too busy living life symptom free for the first time ever. As with any relationship the romance begins to waiver. Our expectations of what Ketamine will do for us long term increases. Ketamine taps into your subconscious and mends. In order to move forward completely the Ketamine may bring up unresolved issues from your past. It makes you very aware of connections between your thoughts and behaviors. It allows you to dig deeper and find the root. Ketamine allows you insights into your psyche.

Ketamine experiences are unpredictable, in my opinion. Even after two years I couldn’t tell you in absolute terms what my Ketamine treatment will be like during my next session because it is never the same. The Ketamine flows through your mind like a dream. Most people can’t control their dreams and Ketamine is very similar. I routinely crawl into bed and drift off to sleep and I am not concerned at all with what I may dream about during my REM sleep cycle. I sleep and have random dreams. There are nights that I have nightmares. I am pretty sure the action of going to bed didn’t cause my nightmare. The subconscious uses this opportunity to process information on a deeper level. Dreaming is often unpredictable and random. We don’t always remember our dreams but we dream all the same. Ketamine treatments are as close to lucid dreaming as you can get. It is similar to having a dream while being absolutely awake. You are aware of your thoughts. You are an observer of your own mind. This is both magnificent and unsettling at times. It is a process. Ketamine is healing but you still have to do the work required to make concrete changes.

I try hard to go into every treatment with faith and hope. I like having that deeper understanding and knowledge that Ketamine has worked repeatedly for me in the past and continues to assist me. I know how hard that is. I have cried and cried. And I was so afraid Ketamine would stop working for me. Ketamine is all I have and if the effects of this fantastic drug stop working for me, I am screwed. But it has. Ketamine has worked where no other treatments have.

I cringe when people mention undergoing electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) aka “shock therapy”. I went through 12 sessions of ECT several years ago. It was by far the worst thing I ever did to myself, and I would never recommend it. Instead, when my friend stated he would have to look into ECT, my genuine and gentle reply was, “please don’t give up on Ketamine. Don’t stop believing in its ability to help.” It is a process.

Ketamine is a process. I personally don’t feel the Ketamine failed my friend, but more so that Jon may not have been prepared for the emotions that the Ketamine treatment brought up.

Sharing is very difficult when you are vulnerable. It is immensely painful at times. Sharing in open forum runs the risk of haters. It is also challenging to be honest with those in your world; it can be pretty high risk if you make a mistake in judgment. I am sharing to educate and to help others like me. I know there aren’t thousands of resources about Ketamine for us to google. My writings are based on my experience with Ketamine and may be different from yours. I believe, after communicating with several Ketamine patients, that we are having similar experiences.

I know from experience with Ketamine therapy that it sometimes takes time to process years of suicidal depression. Depression so profound that leaving your home feels impossible. It is because of this emotional pain that I have found I confused the treatment process with my depression and anxiety disorders.

I watched the Ketamine video and listened to the words. I totally believe that Ketamine allows you to have these intense insights, and often these views into our psyche are depressing and extremely painful. I could relate to the frustrations. For me, I was terrified that Ketamine would fail. It was close to two years before I was convinced I found the right treatment. It took some time for me to stop terrifying myself with thoughts that the depression would return and kill me if Ketamine ever stopped working. I thought about it a lot. I believe it would be hard for anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression and undergoing Ketamine therapy with success. Ketamine helps, but we still have to endure the pain and process on the road to getting healthy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Talk Therapy are wonderful tools for helping sort through the confusion. Depression taints everything.

I have had a similar experience with Ketamine therapy once. I felt so doomed. It was a one time thing and really a breakthrough in disguise. I have touched on the subject in another post. I didn’t want to leave my doctor’s office. I can feel the shift when the Ketamine hits my system. There was one incident where I thought I did not feel any relief from the returning depression and I freaked out. I started catastrophizing. My thoughts latched onto the habitual belief that I will one day end my life because of my depression and lack of successful treatments. I circled the drain. Unlike my friend who has been afraid to return for another treatment out of fear of discovering Ketamine has stopped working, I didn’t want to wait the two weeks to try again. I didn’t want to waste anymore time obsessing. I had to put Ketamine to the test. I had traveled so far away from the permanent state of depression that I refused to accept that Ketamine simply wasn’t going to work anymore.

Ketamine is Hope. It is my hope.

Ketamine allows clarity, and often times it is extremely difficult to feel this turmoil because my depression has numbed most of my emotions and memories of pain. I am constantly frustrated with learning all these new emotions and finding the correct descriptive words for what these feelings are.

I usually leave my doctor’s office feeling uplifted, and I admit, when I thought I didn’t get that relief I have grown to expect during my visit I was super angry. I was crushed. I was so bloody angry. I was also scared. The doubts started ringing between my ears. I was severely depressed by the idea.

Ketamine works in mysterious ways. It has been 2.5 years of treatments now, and I often find myself struggling. I am no longer dealing with the depression but all the baggage left around from trying to cope with chronic depression. It is life. We all have obstacles we must conquer to be whole.

I really feel that the Ketamine allowed Jon to process painful events from his time trapped in the arms of depression, and he was unprepared. I have learned my depression default setting makes suicide seem like a logical solution. When life hits me with overwhelming feelings, my thoughts automatically return to suicide as the only real solution. I wasn’t too excited to learn that snippet of evil. I think once I made this connection, I could exam the bigger picture. It was probably the worst two week period I have had to endure. The doubt monster is full of passion when we are in a weak moment. For me, knowing that Ketamine has given me relief at all, when nothing else has, is powerful!

I am so confident that the next treatment Jon has will give him the relief he is craving and afraid he won’t get. I am. I strongly suggested and highly recommended moving his next appointment up. Jon doesn’t get Ketamine every two weeks like I do. His treatments are six weeks apart; sometimes longer. If he is anything like me, he will probably obsess for the next 6 weeks that the Ketamine won’t work.

It is difficult to need Ketamine. It is painful and utterly uncomfortable. I used to worry obsessively about what I would do if Ketamine stopped doing the job I expect, but I am here over 2.5 years later. I had one experience where the Ketamine didn’t get it right. I laugh because looking back, I realize it did. It was a gift wrapped in pain. It forced me to work harder to figure out why I didn’t respond in the typical way I usually do. I know that it was exhausting. I obsessed on all the pain I caused because of my illnesses and only wanted to die. Life often feels pointless to me. I feel these are my default settings and the depression is a lying bastard that wants to destroy me. I worried about it all.

Ketamine gives me clarity. We may not always be ready for what it shows us. We have been in darkness so long that the sunlight burns. I think that the Ketamine was telling Jon that it was time for him to face these painful feelings of regret.

I think Ketamine gives you a crash course in the grief process. It is frightening, but I know I have to process and push through. Change comes.

The Ketamine will give Jon relief and after his next treatment he will probably kick himself for waiting so long for relief. The ego and illness want 100% control, and I think it lies to keep that power.

I realize that my Ketamine friend is in a bad place right now and if the only thing he can absorb from my ramblings is to make a sooner appointment I am okay with that. I just don’t want him to continue torturing himself unnecessarily. Trust me, I do know. Recovery and healing are not linear. I hope if there are others facing the doubt monster right now that my words will offer comfort and strength to keep striving to get well.

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Ketamine

Ketamine: Trying To Understand New Emotions When Depression Lifts

ketamine depression

Hello again. This is Susan from myketaminestory.com.

I have been thinking a lot about my recovery lately. I feel like I am always fighting to keep centered. My desire in life is to feel rooted like an oak tree that has been around for more than a century. I need to feel grounded. I want a solid if not a concrete floor beneath me. I am a very visual person so images help me make sense of the world around me.

I know I want to be that tree with roots so deep into the universe that even the perfect storm can’t destroy it. I find I now want and strive to experience all that life has in store for me without feeling like I might snap or break. I am driven to be that strong, flexible tree. I need to be that solid oak that has the ability to bend and sway but remain grounded in its own foundation.The last several weeks I have been free floating like a balloon that escaped a child’s hand. It has been so unbearably uncomfortable; incredibly difficult. I had numerous situations arise over the past month and a half that I struggled to find my footing. I am constantly reminded that I have a massive amount of work to still do in my recovery.I think if I had been trapped behind boulders, in a cave filled with a colony of bats, I would expect and allow myself the time to work through the nightmares and pain. I am absolutely positive that even the society I feel rejects me because I have an illness they can’t see would understand and accept that I was involved in a frightening and life altering situation; and to return to life as they know it would be a challenge.

There might be an obstacle or two that I have to practice over and over to conquer. I had been trapped in a cave with demons scarier than an orchestra of boogeymen. I am not sure why I thought having Ketamine Infusions or Intramuscular Ketamine shots would also miraculously erase the last 30 plus years of memories. Ketamine administered by a qualified professional definitely allows me the ability to utilize all the coping strategies I learned while enclosed in such a dark world.I think for me, Treatment Resistant Depression can be described as being trapped in that horrifying cave alone and starving for a way to escape. No one can reach you. Helpers arrive dressed not in firefighter or search and rescue uniforms but lab coats. They are brought in to dig around and remove the monstrous obstruction blocking you from living life in the sunlight, but to no avail. More expert are called in.

Silence. Alone. Fighting.

ketamine depression injection and infusion clinic of abq

I have known that cave intimately. I was devastated and trapped. I could often hear people discussing new methods for tearing through the rocks and pulling me to safety. I have been aware of the attempts these search teams have use hoping to release me. They have used dynamite disguised in the form of medication cocktails, ECT and hospitalizations. I still could not crawl out to meet them. I could not welcome the sun.It was over time and disappointments that I retreated farther into my cave. I accepted my fate. I figured after 30 years of my battling to find people willing to continue to aide me in escaping this life long captivity it just wasn’t going to happen for me. I was finally ready to let go. I shut down completely. I accepted my fate.My husband on the other hand refused to give up. He did not leave me. In my darkest moments he has been making the calls. He has been doing the research. He has been my voice. I had given up and the bats were feeding on me. My partner of close to 25 years, through his tears and pain, found a single article about a drug called Ketamine that gave him hope.

He started shouting through my darkness about this “old” drug being used in new ways. Clinical studies were showing evidence that Ketamine given slowly by IV over a period of time significantly improved depressive symptoms in those that have not responded well to traditional methods. It was being introduced as an option for individuals just like me; trapped and lost.

My biggest advocate was calling to me from the outside but his words would not penetrate my dark world. It is an amazing endeavor my husband took on to save me. I am happy to admit that he finally located that one tool that was powerful enough to demolish that hateful blockage before me that was keeping me from living my life. That successful and life changing product was Ketamine. Incredible Ketamine.It has been over two and half years of treatments and I am still dumbfounded that one drug could accomplish what every other known method of treatment for my depression could not. It has given me sunshine. I get excited to hear about new clinics like The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ. The need for facilities to treat patients safely is going to grow once Ketamine has a stronger voice as a valid treatment for depression.

ketamine depression man injection and infusion clinic of abq

I have known that cave intimately. I was devastated and trapped. I could often hear people discussing new methods for tearing through the rocks and pulling me to safety.

I have been aware of the attempts these search teams have use hoping to release me. They have used dynamite disguised in the form of medication cocktails, ECT and hospitalizations. I still could not crawl out to meet them. I could not welcome the sun.It was over time and disappointments that I retreated farther into my cave. I accepted my fate. I figured after 30 years of my battling to find people willing to continue to aide me in escaping this life long captivity it just wasn’t going to happen for me. I was finally ready to let go. I shut down completely. I accepted my fate.My husband on the other hand refused to give up. He did not leave me. In my darkest moments he has been making the calls. He has been doing the research. He has been my voice. I had given up and the bats were feeding on me. My partner of close to 25 years, through his tears and pain, found a single article about a drug called Ketamine that gave him hope.

He started shouting through my darkness about this “old” drug being used in new ways. Clinical studies were showing evidence that Ketamine given slowly by IV over a period of time significantly improved depressive symptoms in those that have not responded well to traditional methods. It was being introduced as an option for individuals just like me; trapped and lost.

My biggest advocate was calling to me from the outside but his words would not penetrate my dark world. It is an amazing endeavor my husband took on to save me. I am happy to admit that he finally located that one tool that was powerful enough to demolish that hateful blockage before me that was keeping me from living my life. That successful and life changing product was Ketamine. Incredible Ketamine.

ketamine injection and infusion clinic of abq

It has been over two and half years of treatments and I am still dumbfounded that one drug could accomplish what every other known method of treatment for my depression could not. It has given me sunshine.

I get excited to hear about new clinics like The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ. The need for facilities to treat patients safely is going to grow once Ketamine has a stronger voice as a valid treatment for depression.I think everyone could agree that being surrounded by darkness for decades and then thrown into the light is going to take some adjustments. My eyes burned. My heart ached. Fear and excitement. I was even more aware of all the time wasted trapped in pure and utter misery.

I was exhausted from my grueling attempts to stay alive. I was tired from doing the work it takes to push back all the debris. I figured my journey would be easier now that I had my Ketamine light showing me the way out. I was naive.I have been given a torch. The name of my vessel of light is Ketamine. We all know that a torch burns out and must be lit again to offer you the brightness needed to see your way around. Ketamine therapy is no different. We also know that a torch will flicker and tease. In the past two plus years of my IM Ketamine shots I have responded in such a positive and successful way.

I continue to make amazing strides towards being the best version of myself. My anxiety is often uncontrollable out of fear that I may not have access to the spark that keeps my stick in flames. It is an unsettling feeling to have only one tool to do the job. I am grateful that this tool exist, but I must also be honest and say I have worried.It is immensely important to me to educate others about a treatment that could potentially release them from depressive symptoms that have refused to vacate the mind previously. I finally found that one element to ignite my world with bright vivid colors. I think it was normal to be apprehensive.

ketamine depression treatment

What if it stops working? What if I can’t continue to afford it? It is not an inexpensive treatment. I know this. It has not been easy to add a costly treatment to the budget. So the questions begin. What if? What if I can’t find a doctor to administer my Ketamine in the future if something tragic happens to my current doctor? My mind went tumbling.

Education is absolutely needed so that more providers can learn about the benefits and start offering Ketamine at a more reasonable price. I know that Ketamine is hope for treatment resistant depression. I am proof. My life is worth living fully because I am given Ketamine shots every two weeks and it shuts down the depression for a solid 8-10 days.

When I was introduced to Ketamine therapy it was amazing that I actually responded to its effects and was symptom free for the first time ever. I will admit my anxiety increased. I have been plagued with some of the same concerns I have had people ask me about. I have and still do which is why I advocate for Ketamine treatments. I pray change will occur. I am driven and I would love to see more interested professionals reach out to investigate.

I truly believe in the benefits of Ketamine and it is desperately needed to help people suffering with chronic clinical depression and have not been helped by traditional treatment plans. Ketamine is the only medication I have responded positively to and that caused me to constantly play the what if game.

What if I want to relocate to an area where no one has heard of Ketamine outside a night club? What if it stops working? What if? What if? I have invested time and money into this treatment. I have felt the warmth wrap around my mind and body. I have experienced life without the clouds and rain. I appreciate the clarity and focus Ketamine allows me.

I am thankful for the time I am not engulfed in my illnesses. In the back of my tortured mind I continue to analyze. I have been afraid of all these new feelings and concerns. I mean, I spent 30 years struggling to survive. I have become an “amateurish” expert by default. I have acquired many tools for fighting depression.

I understand that even with Ketamine that not all of them can be tossed away. They did keep me alive during trying times in my life. They may not have been the sun, like Ketamine, but all the same they were needed. These tools of mine are useful. It has taken time to realize this information.

ketamine treatment for depression

I want to add that I saw the sunlight with the help of my Ketamine infusions and I danced. I started burning all the baggage I found in my cave. I figured I found my cure. I would no longer have to fight. My work was finished. I thought all I needed was Ketamine therapy and I would be on my merry way. I was so arrogant. I mean, I would think, listen world- I fought for 30 years isn’t it time for a break or long vacation from depression?

Why do I need to revisit that cave and make sense out of all the ways I survived. I lived it. I don’t want to swim around in the memories. I didn’t want to do anymore searching. I was finding myself so incredibly hostile. The depression was lifted. Yet here I am still struggling to make sense the world. I needed to understand why I still had so much work to do even though the depression was taking a backseat.

I was exhausted. I wanted to leave that part of my life in the background. Be “normal”. My desire was to be like everyone else. Only the problem, and I have painfully discovered this, is everyone is fighting. We all struggle. We all want and need similarly. My depression is just an added filter I see the world through.I believed the depression kept me from being. I wanted to know why if the depression is no longer present I am so angry. Why do I have to keep moving those damn rocks, stones and pebbles? I felt entitled. Didn’t I desired a perfect life because I have been through horrific living conditions?

I was furious. I have been spinning. I have been wanting to run, run and keep running away from all the painful reminders of my time sequestered in pitch black with monsters using words and feelings against me.

Have I not been through enough? Am I not amazing just for living through it? I demanded to know if the Ketamine could lift my depression why, oh why, was I still struggling. I was pissed. I wanted Ketamine to be a miracle drug; a complete and uncomplicated solution.

Please don’t get me wrong, it is a phenomenal treatment. I am slowly beginning to realize nothing is easy to repair. I was mislead in my belief system. Seriously. I had unrealistic expectations. I was not at all pleased to learn this lesson. In fact, I was livid.Ketamine has freed me time and time again. It has successfully accomplished its primary goal which is relief from suicidal thinking and depression. It repeatedly pulls me away from that miserable cave I was locked in. I have discovered that unfortunately I now have to learn to live in this new world I found myself in.

I thought surviving and escaping was the tough work and once the depression wasn’t filtering my thoughts I would be happy and content. Wrong. I do have moments when I am at peace. I found a place where joyful is exactly what I am. I have more and more opportunities to feel completely. In the midst of feeling centered and able to manage my life I falter and fall. We all do.My question is why do I, or better yet we, continuously believe in results without the work? We might spend a year or more getting in shape by eating well, exercising, and being mindful of ourselves in order to reached all our personal fitness goals. When the results are present we are immensely pleased with ourselves. Yes?

Why do we then begin to snack on junk food and skip the gym yet think we can still keep the trim athletic body we strive daily to obtain? We all know this is not reality. I have realized in the past several weeks, as I was free floating and miserable, I was approaching Ketamine therapy the same way. I figured I spent decades working out and now with the use of Ketamine shots I had it all.

I wasn’t going to have to put forth anymore of my time and mental energy dissecting and establishing new goals for myself. I thought it would be easy, breezy. After all, the bloody depression was manageable now. Right? I think many have fallen or will fall victim to this train of thought. I know I did. I believe we all may react differently to this knowledge.

Personally, I became full of spite and the rage was causing havoc in my life. I investigated all of these thoughts with my doctor and my best friend. I discovered recently during my Ketamine treatment that my anger has lifted a little. I am beginning to learn acceptance. I am no longer completely angry about doing the work.

Maybe I should restate that by say most of the time I am no longer angry about the work involved to get healthy and staying that way. I was often aware of how mad I was but not the whys. I reflected. I paid attention. I listened to me. I heard. I am adjusting.I will say after my last Ketamine treatment it dawned on me I was starting to make progress. I am growing. I am getting healthier. I find myself proud of all my hard work. In the past few days, I haven’t been as hostile to be around. 

I accepted that if I want to keep a fit, healthy mind I was going to have to continue to workout so to speak to accomplish my goals. I discovered I was hiding at a metaphoric candy shop pretending to not be diabetic. I was able to fool myself and others for a short time but I wasn’t able sustain it for very long before the effects made themselves blatantly obvious with all sorts of new struggles, old messages and illnesses.I practice centering with mindful meditation and breathing exercises multiple times a day. I have found myself totally annoyed by how often I need to practice. I used to get so outraged at having to constantly redirect my thoughts. It was difficult for me to understand I had habitually processed information in a frightening cave and they left their own scars. I was inadvertently negatively programming myself. 

I had some pretty messed up bugs in my system. I know with my programming I will have to find the root of the problem and add new data. I will need to hit run and wait for the next hiccup to occur and address the issue at that time. It is a very intricate system. I will need test it and adjust and retest it again.

I am starting to accept that my work is not over and just as a body gains weight and you lose muscles if you feed yourself trash and skip the workouts; the same is true for Ketamine and mental health. I am no longer angry about the work I have to do; most of the time.A few side notes and announcements:If you or someone you love suffers with Treatment Resistant Depression, Ketamine could offer help. Ketamine has lifted my depression and allows me to experience new emotions and live the life I was meant to.My Ketamine Provider & Location List is growing. I am updating it regularly. If you know of a provider not present feel free to notify me. Personally, I know how difficult it was to find a provider in my area. My directory may help others find assistance. That is my ultimate goal.Lastly, I am excited to announce that I will be working on a new blog series. I am happy to say many people have reached out to me with questions and concerns. I will be addressing many of these inquiries over the next several blog posts. If you find yourself wanting to know more about Ketamine for Depression I am open to answering questions. 

Please feel free to use the comment section below. I will do my best to answer them during my new Q & A series. All responses will be based on my personal experience with Ketamine over the past two plus years of treatments. It is my hope to educate and advocate on an unconventional method for Treatment Resistant Depression.

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Ketamine

Ketamine: Addressing Questions And Concerns

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Hello and welcome. It is Susan from myketaminestory.com.

As a brief summary, I write about my experiences and journey with Ketamine Therapy on my website and also for The Injection and Infusion Clinic of Albuquerque. I have a long history with treatment resistant depression and anxiety disorders. My personal mental health care resume includes numerous failed medication cocktails, ECT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Talk Therapy and hospitalizations. I admit I understand how all of these treatments could potentially help, but they never did for me. It was a little over two and half years ago that I was introduced to Ketamine for depression. I am alive today because of a drug that is raising many questions and concerns from the professional world.

I can confidently state that the fear others have about Ketamine will not stop me from continuing my treatments. I am not afraid of Ketamine. I am, however, terrified at the thought of not being able to afford my therapy. The panic I feel when images of something tragic happening to my doctor makes my Ketamine Advocacy all the more important to me. If I no longer have access to a physician or nurse practitioner willing to administer Ketamine, I am convinced my story would quickly conclude. Why? Why do I believe that my depression would definitely kill me? The answer is crystal clear to me. My depression is continually lifted and I am now capable of living the life I was meant to. I have seen the possibilities. I have had long periods of time symptom free. Would you want to go back to that cave I referred to in my last post? Me neither.

I am speaking up. I want to make sure I never lose the only treatment that has given me hope for a future. I am willing to take on the tough questions and concerns. Ketamine is hope for treatment resistant depression. I am proof. I want to educate. I want others, like me, suffering with TRD to be aware that Ketamine is an option. It has been my only hope. I went 45 years suffering with profound depression and anxiety disorders with no relief from any of the traditional methods of treatment. What I do have are plenty of horror stories to share. I was fortunate to be told about Ketamine back in 2015 and my life has only continued to improve with the aid of Ketamine therapy. There are now more facilities offering Ketamine treatments like the one in Albuquerque, New Mexico at The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ. I often fret over the idea of someone ending their life because they never heard of Ketamine therapy for depression. That could have been my story. It almost was.

My success with Ketamine treatments pushes me repeatedly to write. I am sharing parts of my life that are not at all flattering. It can be extremely uncomfortable. I know that I need to show the depths of my desperation for understanding. Depression is complicated and frequently misunderstood. My primary motivation is to write based on my experiences with the hope of reaching out to that lost soul, I once was, with a life line.

I started my Ketamine infusion therapy with a series of six infusions over a two week period. I responded. I have had no success with any previous treatments for my depression. I was slightly hopeful following my first infusion. I felt, relief. I can best explain the feeling as a small break from the OCD thinking, anxiety and darkness. It was as though someone turned on a nightlight for me. I remember that I was aware of being able to take a full breath with ease. I could truly breathe for the first time. I habitually held my breath. My anxiety made breathing painful and that often created even more anxiety for me. So, when I was left without the discomfort I felt when just breathing, I was actually shocked. It was such a pleasure to have even the briefest glimpse at what might be possible for me if I continue to respond to Ketamine treatments. It has been a frustrating task trying to locate a qualified professional to administer Ketamine at a price I could afford. It breaks my heart that many will never be able to afford the initial 6 recommended infusions. Many of us, myself included, could never entertain long term Ketamine treatments which for me is a reality. The current average price per treatment around the country is $400-$600 or so. It is unrealistic for many.

I am currently having Ketamine administered by intramuscular shots. There are not too many providers offering IM Ketamine shots, so I was thrilled to learn that The Injection & Infusion Clinic of Albuquerque, New Mexico is offering them as well as Ketamine infusions. I have been getting Ketamine every two weeks for over two and a half years. I have had tremendous relief from my depression and anxiety symptoms. I am grateful to my doctor, whom I never worked with prior to my Ketamine regimen, for being open to listening to me advocate this unconventional use of the drug. I am forever appreciative of his willingness to work with me financially. We have learned so much together. My doctor has been able to see my positive progress and it excites us both. He is now treating a couple of his patients using Ketamine with success.

I have a strong desire to answer all these questions I have been asked over the past several months. I am really excited to announce my new Q & A blog series. I will initially be writing a four part question and answer series for a Ketamine Clinic located in Albuquerque, NM called The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ. I was trying to discover a creative method for setting up a question and answer style blog but quickly realized I was once again being self indulgent when I only want to educate. I will draft an interviewer/interviewee style with intentions of making it quick, direct, and worthy of reading.

In my first Q & A series I am introducing my son, Matthew. It was during his Freshman year at Virginia Commonwealth University that his father read an article on Ketamine for depression. We started saving our money so I could try this experimental treatment. I responded to a medication for the first time. Matthew has had a front row seat to my struggles with failed treatments and how they have destroyed me in the past. My depression and anxiety has affected the whole family. That article offered my family hope. I had none. My family, they did a lot of work when I was unable.

Matthew was selected as one of the few freshman to present his finding and have his paper, Ketamine, a Brighter Future for Those in Darkness, published. It was in the beginning of my therapy with Ketamine that Matthew researched Ketamine and wrote his paper. An interview was a necessary component to his class assignment. I decided the best way to introduce my first question and answer blog was to go back to the beginning. My son interviewed me following my first two weeks of Ketamine infusions back in March 2015. I feel his work should be honored in my attempt to raise awareness on the benefits of Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression.

The following are the interview questions Matthew Gayhart asked me for his research paper. I should mention these questions were asked of me back in the early part of 2015 and the information about Ketamine use for depression was extremely limited. There were maybe a dozen or less locations offering Ketamine Infusions worldwide. It is because of my experience and difficulty with trying to find a Ketamine infusion clinic that I am constantly updating my Ketamine Provider & Location List located here and on my website. I am dedicated to making it possible to find a Ketamine Provider near you.

I digress.

Back to the topic at hand. This blog series, I want to spend time focusing on the numerous questions I have been asked over the last several months. I decided on approaching the curiosity and concerns in a questions and answers format. My answers are based on personal experience with Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression.

The following is the questionnaire Matthew Gayhart used when interviewing me on Ketamine infusion therapy for his research paper; March 2015.

I hope you find it helpful.

How long have you been suffering from depression?

I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, which is also called Major Depressive Disorder, at the age of 18. However, I feel that I have suffered all of my life, being aware of it at the age of 8. I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder at that time.

Approximately how many different treatments have you undergone?

I first started doing talk therapy at the age of 18. I knew something wasn’t right with me. My depression has led me to having to go into hospitals for psychiatric care; both inpatient and outpatient care, more than a dozen times, over the course of 20 years. Doctors have tried a combination of 3 or 4 psychiatric medications mixtures to lift or alter my depressed state and lower anxiety levels. It was probably in excess of 2 dozen or more combinations, or “Cocktails” as it is often referred to. I also received 12 ECT treatments over a three month period, about 15 years ago. I can regretfully conclude that none of those treatments have ever worked.

How does Ketamine compare to these previous treatments?

Well, (laughs), the first thing is, the Ketamine doesn’t take 4-6 weeks to figure out if it will work. That can not be said about traditional antidepressants. I would know right away if the Ketamine was going to work or not, and I did, within an hour. The anxiety I could never escape was lowered within an hour. I was alert and felt calm for the first time in my life. It was fast acting. My results were very obvious. Clearly I can’t hide the fact that I feel better. You can hear it in my voice.

Do you think that it is worth the money it cost for Ketamine Infusions?

I do! If I were to add up and report all the costs I have accumulated over the years on all the medications, hospitalizations, ECT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, outpatient treatment programs you would be surprised at how the numbers and debt pile up over the years. My balance with insurance coverage was a constant financial stress. What I mean is that just the co-pays have put a strain on my family. It was even more painful because none of the treatments worked. They just added another layer of depression and many of them just made me a zombie. I wish I could have that money back to invest in my future Ketamine infusions.

How much does a Ketamine infusion cost?

For me, it was $450 dollars per treatment. Insurance companies do not cover any of the charges. Ketamine for depression is considered off label use and is not covered. It makes trying this experimental method unrealistic for many. I was fortunate to have our tax return issued. It was so unbearable fighting to survive during the three weeks between filing and my first appointment. The cost made it impossible to try Ketamine as soon as my husband discovered it. This needs to change. It must change. One day (laughs) I will probably be advocating for this treatment. I can express how different I feel.

I do want to add an updated comment about the costs of Ketamine Infusions. I am aware that average pricing ranges between 400-700 dollars per treatment nationwide. However, I know of a few places, like The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ that offer low cost Ketamine infusions that start at $259. I recommend doing your research. Added: 7/15/17

Are there any adverse or negative effects?

None. For me, during the treatment I experienced the effects of Ketamine, but once you have the treatment and it is over you no longer have to worry about traditional lingering issues such as weight gain, liver issues, diabetes. mood swings, suicidal thinking, anxiety, internal discomforts, insomnia, and the list goes on and on. With Ketamine therapy I have had nothing to negative to report. When you leave those “usual” sensations brought on by the Ketamine are gone. They have found no evidence that you will have any medical side effects. I can agree and say that after 3 treatments I have not experienced any of the effects seen with other treatments.

I will add another note on 7-15-17 that after over 2.5 years I have yet to discover any negative or adverse reactions. My only complaint is that I have been known on occasion to vomit during my intramuscular Ketamine treatments, but a small price for 8-10 days being symptom free. It is unpredictable and doesn’t occur during every session. I can’t remember the last time I vomited during my Ketamine treatment. You can take an anti-nausea medication to combat this but I tend to be a purist and strive minimize what I put in my body.

Ketamine is known to be a psychedelic drug, so what have your experiences been with this side of the drug?

When I met Dr. Levine, he shared that he likes to tell his patients what Ketamine is like using the analogy of playing Family Feud. The top five answers on the board of what Ketamine is like are: Strange, odd, weird, intense, dreamlike. I would also have to say it was a very introspective time, spiritually awakening, with out of body sensations; like you literally feel like you come out of your body.

I remember saying to your dad (who was in the room for support) ‘I don’t know where my body is’. I couldn’t see my entire body. I could see and say, ‘Here are my shoulders, but I don’t know where the rest of my body is.’ It was strangest thing, but I was not upset or afraid. I was more curious. Calm. Warm. While I was investigating this feeling, I remember my whole face lit up when I saw my feet. You feel, or I felt, disconnected from your body. It is as though you come out of your body and you are able to wander around the room without moving an inch physically.

It is like lucid dreaming. It is like dreaming, but you are awake. It is like you are in a dream and all of this bizarre shit is happening while you are consciously aware of your thoughts. In this type of dream you are the observer of all around you as well as what is deep in the subconscious.

You are experiencing the world in the third person. It is like you are a separate entity. It feels very spiritual. I wasn’t as critical of myself. I was able to just look at myself and have thoughts about everything and anything without feeling overwhelmed by my own thoughts and feelings. It is like you are a different person and you are watching your thoughts and reactions. It is very profound.

You have, or at least I did, this insight into yourself from a third party point of view. These thoughts are much deeper thoughts than the common superficial levels we communicate. The thoughts are so fast and it is fleeting. It is like a water cascading over you and you have to flow with it, but you just keep going with the thoughts. Easy. No judgments. What a relief.

I could also look at the wood on a door to my room and see the shapes and textures of the wood. I would look at them and give them a story in my mind that made the door appear to come to life. It was as though I was giving the door life. The Ketamine allows you to look at the different things around you with a fresh clarity. I personally didn’t see horrible demons or anything. I didn’t see things appear before me that were not already there when I walked into the room. It was more like my mind was just enhancing the surroundings in a superhuman way.

Were the Ketamine Infusions enjoyable?

Yes, most of the time. Ketamine, it can bring out things inside of you, deep childhood issues and spiritual epiphanies too. I wasn’t ready for the new information and feelings; maybe. I cried in 2 of the treatments, It was bizarre because I almost felt like I was Buddha on a mountain with my insights. (laughs) It can feel a bit intense at times. Dr. Levine reassured me that crying is natural when you have years of stored unexamined emotions. I didn’t understand why I was crying. That was unsettling. How could I feel relief and still want to cry? I understand now that having an emotional release after years of pent up dark feelings can feel so great it brings you to tears.

How long after the infusion starts do you feel the effects of Ketamine?

I really paid attention to the time. I was obsessed. I frequently would ask what time it was. I would ask repeatedly in every session. I wanted to reduce my anxiety level and made mental notes during each session. I also made it a habit to state my observations out loud to my husband so he was pretty aware of my thoughts and feelings during each infusion. I determined that the onset of the effects of Ketamine after IV starts administering it was right around 7 minutes or so,

Could you describe what it feels like to get a Ketamine Infusion?

It felt like I took a couple shots of Tequila. I got all warm inside, giddy, and relaxed. I would then feel many of the dissociative effects I have already mentioned. I did get that “trippy” feeling during several of my treatments but not every single one. The sessions were all different. I can only figure that once the IV needle was in place and the Ketamine entered my system, I was calm. It was shortly after that intoxicated feeling began that I was able to see the textures in the walls and doors; 14 minutes or so. The colors and paints appeared puffed up; like I was viewing the world like a 3D movie. It was not like the hallucinations or color trails associated with LSD and mushrooms. I feel that these drugs change the world outside of you; like the walls are moving and you are seeing things melting. I feel most psychedelic drugs could cause you to believe you are seeing the devil or any objects that are not present or reality. I feel with Ketamine it seems more internal to me; like there are things going on inside of your mind causing the things around you to look the same but enhanced. It just feels differently. It is very dream like. I remember there was a box of tissues in my room and it had a magnolia blossom design on it. The flower was gorgeous during my infusion. I could see the petals in detail and colors so rich it soothed me instantly. In fact, I made sure that tissue box was always present in my treatment room.

Are there any drawbacks to this treatment compared to any treatments you have had in the past?

I think that the major drawback for me is that you never really know what is going to happen during that hour you are being administered Ketamine, even though it is the same type of treatment every time, it has proven to me that it is never going to be the same; the treatments I have had have been very different each time. They definitely follow a well defined path, but they have been so completely different. The only similarity is when things start and when they will end. There may be times when you will not be able to talk to due to the mind activity.

When I asked Dr. Levine if I could have someone in the room he did warn me that I might not be capable of talking to my husband. This was new. To be honest, I didn’t believe Dr. Levine. I was chatting away to my partner about what I was feeling without incident. I don’t know how it happened but suddenly I was pulled into thoughts I wanted to follow. Insights. I mentally raced to catch up so I wouldn’t miss anything. I was unable to talk to my husband. I glanced blindly at him. I wasn’t able to see him through my thoughts visually shaping before me. I was running circles in my mind trying to absorb this gift. A gift. That is how I feel about Ketamine. All my chasing made it difficult to talk. I could hear Dr. Levine’s words in my head saying if it starts to feel overwhelming, just close your eyes. It will help. And it does. All of a sudden, I said to the room, ‘I am not going to be able to talk anymore.’ I wasn’t afraid. I was intrigued. In the end, all of the effects you feel from the Ketamine Infusion are done by the time you leave. I feel like there are no lasting adverse effects from my treatments; just the helpful benefits Ketamine provides for me.

Do you agree with the fact that Ketamine is not an FDA approved treatment for depression?

No. I don’t agree. I think that it is an injustice for those suffering like I am. I hope to one day be healthy enough to be a Ketamine Advocate. Education is critical. I think that may end up being my purpose. I am going to spread the word. Ketamine is hope.

I am going to add a comment here because I feel it is warranted. When I return from New Jersey following my 6 infusions, I had moments of being symptom free for the first time ever. It was incredible for me. I have never responded to medications. My enthusiasm was pouring out of me then and it remains strong to this day. I did not edit this response. I promise. In fact I even told Dr. Levine on my last day of treatment with him that I was predicting that I would one day advocate for this hidden jewel.

How would you have rated your depression on a scale of 1-10; ten being most depressed, and actively suicidal, prior to treatment?

Definitely a 10, I was actively suicidal, with a plan in place if I didn’t respond to the Ketamine treatments. That was on the morning of my first Ketamine Infusion,

And today, how would you rate yourself on that same scale? I understand that it is the mid-point in the treatment. That means you have had 3 infusions this week?

I would say I am around a 4. I go back again Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of next week for the remaining 3 infusions that were recommended.

What led you to pursue Ketamine over another cocktail of medication, or another round of ECT?

I cringe at the thought of ever doing ECT again. I would never allow doctors to do ECT again because it erases big chunks of your memory. I had 12 treatments. I was hospitalized for three months during my ECT. I have absolutely no memory of my stay. I have flashbacks sometimes. I know when I went into the hospital after yet another suicide attempt, doctors started discussing ECT and had me watch video’s to educate myself. I was desperate, so I agreed to ECT against family’s wishes. I have no recollection of anything that occurred during that three months’ time. What hurts the most is the fact that ECT did not help me. The same results with other psychiatric drugs used to treat my depression and anxiety: Failure. There have been many antidepressants I have been asked to try. There has not been one single drug that has worked, I wanted to give up. What could ever make me think that another cocktail would ever work? My psychiatrist has been through every group of antidepressants trying to target different neurotransmitters in the brain, I have been on MAOI, SSRI, tricyclics, etc. with no relief but plenty of new health concerns to address. Why should I have any hope? Why should I deal with the negative side effects. I know the outcome will be the same. History has proven this to me. You can only live in the darkness for so long, you know? I was hanging on my last thread, When my husband and therapist looked up treatment resistant depression, and they found Ketamine as an option, and they seemed to think that this drug was something different. I wasn’t convinced. They told me of the success rate and they were so positive. I thought it was almost too good to be true. My family, you included, Matthew, thought it was worth looking into and so we started to do just that.

In closing, now that you have had the 6 Ketamine Infusions with positive results what now? Will you continue to be symptom free without anymore treatments?

While I was in New Jersey for treatment, Dr. Levine mentioned a doctor that reached out to him interested in administering Intramuscular Ketamine. Intramuscular means it is basically a shot of the proper dosage of Ketamine into a large muscle such as the thigh or shoulder. It was unbelievable, and such a blessing, when Dr. Levine mentioned Dr. Moseley lived in Virginia and gave me his number. His office is only an hour away for where we live. I will give him a call on Monday morning and hope he is willing to work with me. I responded to the Ketamine in a very positive manner. The problem for me is, the time I am symptom free is temporary. I am hopeful that if I continue to get Ketamine administered at a price I can afford, then I will be on the right path in my recovery. I, too, may one day have a success story. My own happy ending.

If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you or someone you know are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options.

Join me again later in the month when I address questions about the differences between Ketamine Infusions and Intramuscular Ketamine. I also have experience using a prescription nasal Ketamine spray to help me with the time in between shots. I will share my thoughts about the different delivery methods and concerns over what I have been reading in my studies. I will also be answering more questions about Ketamine that many of you have asked me through email or phone calls. Thank you for reaching out.

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Uncategorized

Frequently Asked Questions: Redefining Depression With The Assistance Of Ketamine Therapy.

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Hello again. This is Susan from myketaminestory.com. I am once again addressing questions and concerns regarding Ketamine therapies for treating mood disorders and pain. I am writing a four part series answering questions about Ketamine use, based on my experience with Ketamine therapy over the past 2.5 years, for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ. This is the third post in my Q & A series.

My first blog, Ketamine: Addressing Questions & Concerns focused on my early experience with Ketamine Infusions. In part two of the series, Addressing Questions & Concerns About Ketamine Therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression I addressed questions and concerns about Intramuscular Ketamine verses Ketamine Infusion therapy. Today I plan to be a bit more random. I have had emails with several questions and themes recently. I want to address as many inquiries as I can and decided to approach this current series in a more hopscotch fashion.

I will preface this series of questions with an obvious disclaimer. I am answering all the questions posed in this blog, as well as the two previously mentioned, based on personal experience with Ketamine treatments and my own continued readings. I want to advocate the use of Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression because of my results from the therapy. I want to share my success and how I have benefited from the new form of treatment.

It has been through my Ketamine advocacy that people have approached me via email with questions and concerns. I have been fortunate enough to have providers reach out to me asking me about my results and my writings. It is because of these inquiries I am rarely at a loss for writing material. I have appreciated the interest and encouragements. I have enjoyed the offers to write about my story for other websites. I have. I am human. These interactions have not all been pleasant. I am always shocked by how insensitive “professional” people can be. What is even more baffling is the fact they are reaching out to me. Odd. They clearly seem to forget that I am a patient writing and not a doctor or other provider. I am flabbergasted at times. I could share numerous incidents that would surely puzzle the best conversationalist. The demands and expectations have been insane. I will briefly state that I can not simply be purchased and added to your business expenses. I am a human sharing personal experience. Please be respectful.

I need to add a special thank you as a side note. I have been known as a woman that expresses her feelings regularly. If I am overcome with strong emotions, I share them. I work incredibly hard on focusing on positive action and thoughts. If I am impressed or treated well I will make a point of saying thank you for your kindness. I am appreciative to Jason Duprat with The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ for constantly being sensitive of my story and feelings. He repeatedly treats me with respect and honor. Jason allows me to feel comfortable and valued. We work with each other professionally with a twist of mutual fondness I think. I am grateful that his Ketamine clinic strives to bring more affordable infusions. I would love to see more Ketamine centers following his example. It really benefits everyone. If a center is willing to lower prices, then this massively successful therapy could be offered to more individuals suffering with Treatment Resistant Depression (TRD). Think about it. If you charge 500 and, say for example, only 10 people can afford treatment from your clinic each month making your total income 5,000. Now, for sake of easy math, think about charging 200 dollars per session. You can now service and provide hope to numerous of my fellow sufferers. Let’s follow this logic to the end. At 200 dollars per treatment you might book 30 or 40 clients per month giving you 6,000-8,000 in profits. You also get a bonus…. a full heart.

I admire Ketamine providers that understand the desperate need for Ketamine therapy for depression, but clearly care more about patient long term care. It is crucial to keep in mind that the majority of your client base will need to return repeatedly for booster/maintenance Ketamine thus also increasing your bottom line. Remember the 10 patients I mentioned in my first example? They will definitely find it even more financially stressful if not completely unrealistic to return for follow up care. My guess is maybe 1 out of 10 could manage the compounding cost of routine boosters of Ketamine therapy. Insurance companies do not currently cover the charge of Ketamine treatments. The numbers add up.

I once again digress.

I have had friends question my motives for writing for Ketamine clinics, and the motives of the providers requesting my help. To be completely honest, I have to say that I have no issue using keywords and letting the readers know about a specific Ketamine Clinic by name. It benefits everyone involved. However, I am very selective. I ask a ton of questions. I want to inform. I also am not a fool and I realize it is easier to spread your message when you have help. I admit that there are specific answers I am looking for when approached to write about Ketamine for sites other than my own. It means asking tough questions. I need to know the motives, the whys, behind the offer. I want to know how people act and react to my questions. I investigate. I approach each center as a patient and an advocate. I want to build a genuine relationship with my reader. I am writing on a very personal subject matter. A relationship built on trust and honesty is important to me. I also want and see the importance in establishing a relationship with Ketamine providers. We are all important and valuable. We can spread the news about Ketamine and give hope back to those in darkness.

Advocacy is a new adventure for me.

I wasn’t expecting to go on that rant. I apologize. It has been on my mind a lot recently. I do not want to be a bought and paid for direct advert. I definitely don’t want to appear insincere in my writings. Ketamine has offered me life. I want to educate and possibly offer change to those that don’t think their lives will ever improve.

My words, my language, and self expression mean so much to me. Please don’t script my feelings. I want to inform the public. I have my story and my style. If you really want to share my passion to educate the world on the benefits of Ketamine for depression then I suggest not editing my words to serve your hidden agenda. I did not approach you. Please remember that when you are slaughtering my message and find yourself shocked when I opt not to work with your Ketamine facility. I am advocating Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression. I am pretty confident that is why you contacted me. Yes? Readers are intelligent after all. They will recognize bullshit. I would.

Ketamine has and continues to breathe life into me. I started my personal website in January of 2017. I wanted to share and advocate the use of Ketamine to treat depression. It has been through my writings I have discovered how truly powerful words can be. In the recent months those words have been reaching more fellow sufferers. It is thrilling to know that more professionals are reaching out to learn more about Ketamine therapy, too. I have learned that I have value when I share and educate. Many times I am consciously aware that my writings are only me ruminating and desperately trying to make connections so I can heal. The idea that I may actually be helping others; that is fascinating and exciting.

I am immensely grateful to have The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ as a platform to educate. They definitely have met all my personal standards for a Ketamine provider. Their Albuquerque, New Mexico Ketamine center is one of the lowest costing Ketamine providers in the nation. The also passed my “must offer” quiz by informing me that they will be offering Intramuscular Ketamine shots to clients at a reduced cost, for those that can’t afford the infusion boosters/maintenance programs. Oh, if I ever relocate!

I will be announcing another exciting development on myketaminestory.com website later this week. I also have a board full of blog topics to discuss and ponder. I am feeling creative and looking forward to writing several articles this month.

Okay, surprisingly I was finally capable of wrapping up that tirade on proper etiquette when asking a blogger for personal writing content for their Ketamine business.

Onward, to the latest question and answer blog; part three in this four part Q & A series. I hope you find it helpful.

What is Ketamine?

My life-preserver! It really is. Ketamine is basically an anesthetic drug that blocks pain. It was first developed in the 1960’s and was used to operate on soldiers during the Vietnam War. In the past, Ketamine, has also been used as an animal tranquilizer. However, in more recent years, Ketamine has been a common theme in nightclubs and parties because of the “hallucination” element users have repeatedly enjoyed.

What do you mean by “hallucination” element?

Well, in addition to dulling pain, Ketamine has been known to allow users to feel like they’re detached from their own body. This sensation is often written and explained as a dissociative effect. These feelings are often associated with a variety of drugs known as hallucinogens. This class of drugs are frequently known to distort perceptions of sight and sound. It produces feelings of detachment from the environment, mind, and self. The reason this can even occur is because the drug is reducing or blocking signals to the conscious mind from other parts of the brain. This out-of-body experience has made it a popular club or party drug, and is commonly called “Special K.”

How is Ketamine given?

If you have done any research on the subject you will probably get this answer; Ketamine is given as an infusion. An IV line is put in place and directly delivers the Ketamine into your vein. The needle is typically placed in your arm or hand. It is reported that this method is the quickest route for the medicine to get to the brain.

You may have also read that most people start with about six doses over a period of 2 weeks, and then they sign up to get booster Infusions once every 3 to 5 weeks.

The facts have alluded to the idea that you may need to continue treatments for a year or more to see long-term results. My experience has proven to me that long term use is absolutely necessary to continue to fight this demon, to recover and lead a productive life.

I agree with these findings, to a point.

Research online misses the fact that Ketamine is also now being given in many other forms. As many of you know, I started out with 6 Infusions and transitioned to IM Ketamine. I get Intramuscular Ketamine shots every two weeks. I do not see this regimen changing any time soon.

I have also used nasal Ketamine spray in an emergency situation. I keep a bottle on hand in case my symptoms show their hateful presence before my next appointment. I appreciate having this option even if I am notoriously known for consistently complaining about this delivery method. I admit that I still find the value of it, and if some horrific event took my beloved doctor away I wouldn’t hesitate to count on the glories of this spray if it meant I could be free of depression for days. I am truly grateful that is not my situation.

There are also pharmacies making Ketamine torches otherwise known as Ketamine lozenges to help patients between their boosters or to extend their maintenance time frame to help reduce costs. I have not yet tried lozenges. I may switch from the spray to torches in the future. However, I am super comfortable with my treatment plan and can’t see convincing my doctor to prescribe the lozenges over the nasal spray. Plus, the lozenges would double my monthly cost because my compounding pharmacy charges more to make lozenges.

How much does nasal Ketamine spray and/or Ketamine lozenges cost?

The cost for the nasal spray ranges between 65-125 a month. My Ketamine spray cost is 65 dollars. The Ketamine lozenges, in my area, cost 125 dollars a month. I had and have to consider my total costs for my maintenance care. This, I imagine, will be the case most of the people seeking help from mood disorders with the use of Ketamine will discover for themselves and adjust.

How does Ketamine work?

Researchers don’t know exactly how Ketamine works to treat depression, but they have some ideas. Unlike antidepressants, which work by shifting the balance of brain chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, Ketamine is thought to change the way brain cells communicate with each other.

Ketamine blocks a type of receptor in the brain, known as NMDA, thought to play a role in depression. Recent studies find that Ketamine can have long-lasting effects on depression, even though the drug only stays in the body a short time.

Ketamine also acts on other brain receptors very similar to those opioid receptors, which affect pain and depression.

I, personally, accept this but I want to expound on the subject. I am planning to write a blog in the coming weeks on this topic. It is my understanding over the years that depression was linked to chemical imbalances in the brain and that was the cause of all my misery. I am now rethinking my beliefs.

The more I read about inflammation and diseases makes me convinced that depression is caused by inflammation and not an imbalance of chemicals.

I truly believe that the Ketamine reduces the swelling in my mind and on some levels my body. The Ketamine reduces the inflammation in all the damaged areas of the mind and it is, in my opinion, because of this reduction phenomenon that normal brain flow begins and repairs can be made. As I stated, I will be addressing this remarkable belief in my next blog.

How well does Ketamine work?

It works remarkably well for me. I can be in a really bad place emotionally before my Ketamine therapy and a few hours later I am motivated and willing to take on all the challenges life keeps insisting on throwing my way. Unlike traditional antidepressants, which can take weeks or longer to take effect, Ketamine starts working within a few hours. Personally, I can go into a session feeling extremely suicidal and discouraged only to find myself leaving my doctor’s office pondering how I could have felt so desperate only moments ago.

In the past, I can vividly remember, I had an active suicide plan in place as I walked into the building to get my Ketamine Infusion. Depression hurts. It kills everything. It makes believing in possibilities nonexistent. I am a fighter. I push back. I question. I think of myself as pretty open minded and self aware. However, I am still, after over two and half years of routine Ketamine therapy, incredibly amazed that I can walk out of my doctor’s office shaking my head that only a short time ago suicide felt like the best and only solution to this insidious disease that constantly takes ownership of me.

It is frustrating and immensely discouraging to continuously battle for mind control. I know that for people who are suicidal, this rapid effect can be lifesaving. It constantly pulls me away from the edge.

Ketamine is also helping people who haven’t found relief from other more traditional depression treatments. I am one prime example on the benefits this drug, Ketamine, is providing.

My personal experiences have been similar to many individuals that find themselves wanting to try this new treatment for depression. I am no different from others that have been to several psychiatrists, therapist, cognitive modification behaviorists, and have tried half a dozen, to a dozen or more, medication cocktails without success.

It is sadly noted that many people with Major Depressive Disorder have attempted suicide and again I am not unique. I have scars on the outside and even more on the inside. Suicide has always felt like a valid and logical solution to me and I found myself attempting plan after plan mainly craving relief.

I write now, and I get so sad thinking back on those decades of darkness and self loathing. The depression can sometimes still lead my mind to suicidal idealizations. It is uncomfortable. I trust that the Ketamine will win the battle for me, but thoughts can be powerful and habitual. I keep my doctor informed.

What do you notice about your mood after receiving a Ketamine Infusion?

I have been reading that most patients are reporting a lightening of their mood with Ketamine treatments. They feel that the dread they have been carrying for years begins to lift. If there was anxiety before, all of a sudden there is less anxiety. It’s also not uncommon for people to feel like Ketamine allows them to get out of bed and face their obstacles for the first time ever. I can concur. This has been my experience too.

What are the “side effects” of Ketamine therapy?

I laugh at this question. In my mind there are no side effects. What effects the Ketamine causes during the infusion time are not, in my mind, a side effect. It is the medication working. It is Ketamine showing you that mind and body are one and at the same time they are separate. I will explain.

I would say about 7-9 minutes after getting IV Ketamine, I often experienced “dissociative” effects. These sensations were very similar to what I imagine a spiritual awakening would be like. Many people have reported having an out-of-body experience while under the effects of Ketamine. These feeling subside as the drug wears off. It is roughly about 45 minutes where you will probably feel slightly off. I felt fairly “loopy” at times. Textures in the wall, door or clothing appeared to pop; like a 3D movie without the need for the trashy glasses. Things may look and sound a little bit different than they usually do for you.

Colors appeared very vibrant to me. Some people have mentioned that things might look blurred. I feel my eyesight sharpens with Ketamine. I had this amazing peaceful sensation and awareness. I was observing myself without that familiar harsh judgmental mind I detest.

In the beginning, I did have the unusual experience of looking down at my body and not really seeing it. I made a remark to my husband that I will never forget. I glanced nervously at him and shyly smiled and exclaimed, “Where is my body? I can’t see my feet or hands. I am feeling like a fish in a huge aquarium.” I was laughing at the silliness of my thoughts and observations. My hubby reassured me that I was still sitting in my chair; all of me. The next moment I glimpsed down and giggled and shouted, hey there my feet are!

The feeling lasts for about an hour after the IV, and then it should wear off, while the drug’s benefits continue.

The drug can possibly cause a spike in blood pressure and heart rate in the short term. I imagine that for most people, that’s probably not a huge problem. It was never an issue for me. It is something to be aware of.

Doctors don’t know much about the long-term effects of Ketamine because they haven’t been able to study it over long periods of time. However, more and more sufferers are finding relief with the assistance of Ketamine therapy.

There have been studies that are carelessly reporting that they have linked regular Ketamine use to memory issues and other problems related to thinking. I can state with confidence that after more than 2.5 years of Ketamine given to me regularly, every two weeks, I have not had any memory issues. However, I did lose months and months of memories with ECT treatments.

I am speaking with a genuine heart. I have had no side effects worthy of mentioning. I will comment again that in the beginning I had issues with nausea. I could have easily requested an anti-nausea medication but I tend to be a purist about all medications I take now. I honestly feel it is a small price to pay for multiple symptom free days.

The memory loss that has been a concern and reported as a potential reason to never offer Ketamine widely to the public doesn’t seem to be the case with the doses being used to treat depression. Yet, those against the use of Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression insist on claiming that it does.

Doctors also worry that the drug might lead to abuse, but this hasn’t been proven either. I have an addictive personality and have a history of becoming obsessed and massively addicted with a number of coping clutches in the past. For example, I am a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for over ten years when I started Ketamine therapy. So, yes, I did worry about addiction. I admit that I did fret about my tolerance level and whether over time I would grow intolerant or need more Ketamine to achieve the same results. My history has made me cynical. I worried unnecessarily. I have never craved Ketamine physically like I did with alcohol or other devices I used to manage my depression and anxiety over the years. I admit that I have heard myself say, “I am in critical need of Ketamine. I want it right now; fast. Please!” I have no doubt in my mind that desire and need is all about wanting to be symptom free again and not an actual feeling that would lead to abuse.

If the Ketamine is administered accurately, I feel the relief for 8-10 days and then I find that my illness creeps back in and takes over again. The return of my depression and anxiety can begins slowly at first. I notice it is harder to correct my thoughts or redirect them. I lose all patience with myself. Decisions become impossible to make. Frustrations and anger. I appreciate the slow build. It is when I go to bed feeling great, and I awake the next morning afraid to leave my house and quickly my resolution drives me straight to suicidal thoughts and plans.

It doesn’t make sense to me. I was fine when I went to bed. Why, oh why? What happened? The OCD thinking takes the wheel and drives my every action. It is days like these that I am forever grateful for Ketamine. I know these emotions and fears are temporary. I also know I have the Ketamine spray for days like these and that helps pacify me. I don’t ever really feel the need to abuse the nasal spray either. I feel and have found for myself that If you are feeling symptom free from that nightmare you thought only suicide could cure, you probably won’t be sticking around the house getting high. You will be out there living the life you were meant to. Having said that, I do understand the risks and concerns. Ketamine is no different to me than Benzodiazepines and Opiates. Doctors write a Xanax script without blinking and trust me I worry more about the abuse with anti-anxiety medications than I ever will with Ketamine.

How much does it cost?

The price can vary based on the doctor and location. Generally, each IV costs $400 to $800.

As of 2017, Insurance companies often don’t cover the cost of treatments. I am aware that Kaiser Permanente has recently started testing a Ketamine program.

There are also more and more centers opening every few months. I have located several offices, such as The Injection & Infusion Clinic, offering Ketamine Infusions for as low as $299 per infusion. I suggest doing your homework.

I would also consider IM Ketamine shots or Nasal Ketamine spray which are both typically more cost efficient.

In conclusion, If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you or someone you know are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options. If you are not in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area I also suggest approaching a local professional and start educating them on the benefits of Ketamine. It doesn’t hurt to ask for what you need.

You can also visit my Ketamine provider list to find a provider in your area which is located here and on my personal website.

Join me again next month, when I address more questions about Ketamine Infusions and Intramuscular Ketamine in the final blog of my Q & A series. I plan to share my thoughts and experiences about how diet effects mood and possibly Ketamine. I will revisit any unanswered questions about the different delivery methods, the effects of Ketamine, Ketamine Advocacy, and concerns over what I have been reading during my research and studies on the drug. I appreciate all the interest and inquiries. I really do. Thank you for reaching out. I hope others will find hope with Ketamine. I will continue to advocate… Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression and Anxiety Disorders. It continues to work its “magic” for me every two weeks.

#Ketamineshot #albuqerqueketamine #abqketamineclinic #newdepressiontreatment #IMKetamine #abqketamine #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #albuqerqueketamineclinic #ketaminedepression #newmexico #albuquerque #theinfusionclinicofabq #newtreatmentfordepression #theinjectionclinicofabq #whatisketaminelike #ketamineanddepression #KetamineProviderLocationsList #Ketaminelocations #KatamineProviders #infusionclinicabq #TreatmentResistantDepression #abqketaminecliniccom #myketaminestorycom #ketamineinfusions #ketaminetherapy #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofalbuquerque #Ketamineclinics #ketamineforPTSD #ECT #PTSD #CBT #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofabq #ketamineprocess #ketaminefordepression #ketaminetreatment #CertifiedRegisteredNurseAnesthetist #ketaminenewmexico #ketamineinjection #ketaminecenters #wwwmyketaminestorycomresourcesprovider #ketamineinfusion #KetamineAdvocate #depression #wwwmyketaminestorycom #intramuscularKetamine #Electroconvulsivetherapy #ketamine #ketamineforpain

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Pondering Concerns & Questions: The Benefits Of Ketamine For Treatment Resistant Depression

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Hello again. This is Susan from myketaminestory.com. I am once again addressing questions and concerns regarding Ketamine therapies for treating mood disorders and pain. I am writing a four part series answering questions about Ketamine use, based on my experience with Ketamine therapy over the past 2.5 years, for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ. This is the fourth and final post in my Q & A series.

My first blog, Ketamine: Addressing Questions & Concerns focused on my early experience with Ketamine Infusions. In part two of the series, Addressing Questions & Concerns About Ketamine Therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression I addressed questions and concerns about Intramuscular Ketamine verses Ketamine Infusion therapy. In my last blog, Frequently Asked Questions: Redefining Depression With The Assistance Of Ketamine Therapy, I was a bit more random. I had emails with several questions and themes and I addressed as many inquiries as I could. In my final question and answer dialogue I want to discuss research, clinical studies, and the need for changes to occur within our insurance companies and federal government so that maybe one day Ketamine will not be so difficult to afford or obtain from any qualified professional.

I will preface this series of questions with an obvious disclaimer. I am answering all the questions posed in this blog, as well as the three previously mentioned, based on personal experience with Ketamine treatments and my own continued readings. I want to advocate the use of Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression because of my results from the therapy. I am sharing my success and how I have benefited from Ketamine, the new form of treatment for depression.

Let’s jump right into this frustrating topic.

How long have researchers been studying the positive effects Ketamine has on mood disorders?

I am not completely sure. I think I read that in 2000, researchers started studying Ketamine as a treatment for depression. I personally was not aware of Ketamine as a medication used for Treatment Resistant Depression until 2015. I would have loved to have known about Ketamine a decade ago, but I am constantly reminded in my recovery to be grateful that my husband discovered it when he did.

It was over those 15 years that the studies and research have led us to discover that Ketamine improves the mood and does so much faster than traditional antidepressant drugs.

The clinical studies were demonstrating that not only was Ketamine reducing depression symptoms, it was also working for individuals that had exhausted all other options because traditional methods, such as ECT and antidepressant cocktails, had failed over and over again. That has been my experience; my story.

What uses have been found for Ketamine through 2017?

Ketamine has only been FDA-approved as an anesthetic for surgery and diagnostic procedures. That status has not really changed over the last few years, as some might expect, given the fact Ketamine has been featured in medical journals and news magazines.

In 2017, Ketamine is now being successfully used to treat depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, OCD, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), other mood disorders, and nerve-related pain.

So, is Ketamine FDA-approved to treat depression?

No. There is no money in it. It is a very expensive process and the drug companies won’t make any money off the drug if it is reclassified.

However, on a positive note, Ketamine is now being recognized by the American Psychiatric Association as a valid treatment for depression. The reason this is a good outcome is it has been beneficial for those providers already using Ketamine therapy to broaden their client base. I also find it helpful in advocating the use of Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression and Anxiety for those suffering, as well as new interest in providing this incredible therapy to more people.

Could you explain why Ketamine isn’t FDA-approved to treat depression?

I will attempt to explain what I understand about the process. In order to approve any new drug, the FDA needs evidence that it works effectively and it doesn’t cause any major harm. Typically, they determine their decision based on evidence from clinical trials involving hundreds or thousands of people.

Most of the clinical studies that have been done using Ketamine so far have been small; 25 to 50 people.

The reason larger research programs on Ketamine haven’t been done in the past is mainly because these type of clinical studies can cost millions of dollars to orchestrate.

The main issue has been that Ketamine is a generic drug. Pharmaceutical companies can’t patent it again and earn their money back from the clinical trials needed to reclassify the drug to include treating mood disorders.

However, companies are developing other drugs based on Ketamine. This is both a positive and a negative in my opinion. The main complication will be creating a pill that is so like Ketamine and continues to have no side effects. Every antidepressant I was ever on had horrific side effects. Pure Ketamine, as it is now, has no side effects. Let me correct that statement by clarifying that after 2.5 plus years of Ketamine use I have yet to show signs of any health concerns. That has never been my experience in the past, with other medications; ever. Before Ketamine, I was a frequent visitor to my family doctor due to illnesses and side effects. What is even worse, I have been in my share of emergency rooms far too many times to remember because of the medications I was prescribed for my depression and anxiety. I will never forget the pain and fear I felt when one medication cocktail had so many side effects that I was no longer capable of urinating! Seriously. It took several attempts to figure out which medication was the culprit. Once again leaving me all the more miserable and suicidal. No wonder I was initially skeptical when my husband mentioned Ketamine to me for the first time.

In August 2016, the FDA put the drug Esketamine on a fast track to approval by designating it as a breakthrough therapy. Esketamine, which is given as a nasal spray, is being tested in phase III clinical trials. Another drug that acts on NMDA receptors called Rapastinel (GLYX-13) also received breakthrough therapy status in early 2016.

My primary fear is what big pharma will unnecessarily add to their new creation when attempting to reproduce the results of Ketamine, which is already being made perfectly and inexpensively without any lasting side effects.

What should people consider before they try Ketamine?

I think the only worry I had when I made the appointments for my 6 Infusions in 2015 was actually a double sided fear. What if Ketamine doesn’t work for me? And the flip side of that obsessive thought was the painful terror I felt at the thought, what if Ketamine helps me and I can’t afford to continue the treatments. I was convinced it would lead me straight to my death if it didn’t work, but what if it is effective will I ever survive without it?

What would life without depression and anxiety even look like? I was pretty twisted by all my thoughts leading up to my trip to New Jersey for my six infusions.

I never believed Ketamine was a miracle cure. Never. It didn’t seem possible that after more than four decades of profound depression and anxiety six treatments could kick that evil. I knew that if Ketamine was helpful, I was going to need to find a provider closer to my home and for an affordable rate for me. I worried this would not be realistic because in 2015 options were limited. So, because of this panic I felt in the beginning, I might suggest looking into follow up care to reduce the anxiety if that is an issue for you, like it was for me.

Do you think that Ketamine therapy is a miracle cure for depression?

No. I feel Ketamine is a tool. It gives you the ability to do the work you need to do. You may have been trying repeatedly to improve your mood and situation wanting only to accomplish wellness and over the years you have failed. I feel Ketamine assists my recovery. I can see progress. When I utilize the cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) tools, I genuinely feel I am learning and improving now.

There should be some emphasis that Ketamine isn’t a quick fix. Although it can have a rapid positive effect, I don’t think enough information is given about the possibility of having to return after the first six infusions for a booster in order to continue to thrive from the benefits of Ketamine on your depression and anxiety.

People are getting the idea that Ketamine is a miracle cure. This is upsetting to me. I believe only a few people are fortunate enough to get one dose and then have their depression go away. I don’t think this is an accurate portrayal of Ketamine. It is likely that even after the six recommended infusions most will need follow up care.

The initial effects of the drug on depression can fade quickly; within 1 to 3 days. Most people need to get repeat treatments over many months or years to see long-term improvements. This has been my story.

I feel adding mindfulness training and constantly utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy tools might help the Ketamine antidepressant effects last longer. It has worked for me many, many times over the past couple years.

I am suffering with Depression and want to try Ketamine. Where can I get Ketamine?

You can get it at a Ketamine clinic. There are more than one hundred clinics around the country now, but the drug can also be administered by a medical doctor, registered nurse, nurse practitioners and physicians assistants just to name a few.

I recommend speaking to a family doctor or trusted practitioner about Ketamine and its benefits. Advocate for your health and mental well being. It will not hurt to ask for what you need. It may be frustrating trying to educate professionals, but it never stops me. This drug is changing lives and you may just find that empathetic provider willing to learn and assist you.

Ketamine is also given experimentally in clinical trials. I suggest googling Ketamine studies or clinical trails on Ketamine for TRD or mood disorders.

I have been generating a Ketamine Providers and Locations list and I update it regularly. The list can be found here and on my personal website. This list may help you find a clinic in your city or state.

In conclusion, If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you or someone you know are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options. If you are not in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area I also suggest approaching a local professional and start educating them on the benefits of Ketamine. Again, it doesn’t hurt to ask for what you need. ​

Join me again next month, when I plan to share my thoughts and experiences about how diet affects mood and possibly Ketamine therapy. I appreciate all the interest and inquiries. I really do. Thank you for reaching out. I hope others will find hope with Ketamine. I will continue to advocate Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression and Anxiety Disorders. It continues to work its “magic” for me every two weeks.

#Ketamineshot #albuqerqueketamine #abqketamineclinic #newdepressiontreatment #IMKetamine #abqketamine #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #ketaminedepression #newmexico #albuquerque #newtreatmentfordepression #theinfusionclinicofabq #theinjectionclinicofabq #whatisketaminelike #infusionclinicabq #ketamineanddepression #KetamineProviderLocationsList #Ketaminelocations #KatamineProviders #ketaminetherapy #TreatmentResistantDepression #FDA #Clinicalstudies #ClinicalTrails #Ketamineresearch #Ketaminestudies #Ketamine #ketamineinfusions #myketaminestorycom #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofalbuquerque #Ketamineclinics #ketamineforPTSD #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofabq #ketaminetreatment #ketamineprocess #CBT #PTSD #ECT #ketaminefordepression #ketaminenewmexico #KetamineAdvocate #depression #intramuscularKetamine #Electroconvulsivetherapy #ketamineforpain

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Every Treatment Plan Has Frustrations; Even Ketamine Therapy

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Hello again. This is Susan from myketaminestory.com. I am a blogger that suffers with Treatment Resistant Depression (TRD), Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I was introduced to Ketamine for TRD in January 2015. I am forever grateful that I was. I spent the first two years focused on my recovery. I now have an excellent treatment plan in place but that does not clear me from obstacles or pitfalls. I journal regularly. I educate and advocate for Ketamine Therapy to help treat depression. I write for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ, entirely based on my experience with Ketamine therapy over the past 2.5 years,

It has been a rough couple weeks for me. It makes me humble. I often forget where I once was. I was speaking with a friend recently about how frustrating my recovery has been and how it continues to really mess with me emotionally. I feel so incredible when Ketamine is assisting me. I complained how inconsistent the relief is. I moaned about how the depression was crushing me. I begged her to remind me why I fight so hard. I requested kind, gentle reasons why she thinks that I am a good person. I needed to know my worth. I get discouraged easily. I know much of my insecurities are tied to decades of profound depression and habit energy. I am aware. My friend says to me, “Susan, write.” That was her advice to me after her compliments just caused me embarrassment. It is not easy for me to hear positive insights people see. It is not my strongest ability. It feels impossible to hear and accept kind words about myself when the depression filters are on. I want desperately to know why my friends and family are pleased to have me in their lives. I am eager. When others share with me all the good they see in me I want to reject it even when I need the words and feelings to wrap around me and squeeze tight.

My friend is wise.

Several of the people in my life know what writing means to me. They know how writing has been the foundation to my recovery. It has been one thing I could count on to help me process my feelings and confusion. I have been using my love for language and arts forever to express myself and find clarity. When I responded this way in the conversation with my dear friend, I could hear a smile in her voice as she agreed and pointed out how writing about my black days could also help others understand the journey I am on with Ketamine and perhaps be an inspiration for them.

I was ready to hang up the phone and head straight to my laptop when the last thing she said to me really hit home. I wanted to cry. Her message to me was that I am more than my depression. My friend ended with, “Susan, sometimes you gotta walk under the hurdles when you can’t jump over them!”

She is absolutely right.

However, I can believe it to be true and logically know it to be fact, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept it. I do not feel it enough to believe it to be my reality. I don’t want to be outraged by my lack of acceptance. It has been four decades and I am still in denial about not having any control over my illnesses. Ketamine allows me the ability to observe my mind and actions. I can see the difference. I have discovered that the Ketamine works beautifully for me until it doesn’t. I want to be like every other person and not need medication to make sense of the world around me. I resent everything mental health. I pout. I retreat. I fume. I want the Ketamine to never stop working. I don’t want to have any days where I experience a backslide into that all too familiar place. I don’t want to accept this. I want to stop taking any steps back. I falter and the anxiety consumes me. I fear leaving the house. I don’t get it. I was just fine a few minutes ago and now I am fighting to take a breath.

I do have to be told routinely that before Ketamine I never had a symptom free day. The Ketamine shot I get can last up to 12 days for me. It has. I feel if I am eating a vegan diet I find the Ketamine seems to keep the demons at bay longer. I am a vegetarian that strives to be vegan. I have committed to veganism for as long as nine to ten months at a time. Then, in a moment of weakness, I will start to think that cheese and crackers sure do sound amazing! That is all it takes. Dairy foods can be addictive. My body craves cottage cheese. Seriously. Unfortunately, I have become all too aware of how my eating plays havoc on my mood and on how long and how well the Ketamine works for me. I am now re-committed to a vegan diet and plan to write an article on the subject of diet and Ketamine later in the month.

I recognize that many foods cause inflammation. I believe inflammation is directly linked to depression and anxiety. Ketamine works on inflammation. The connection seems obvious. I find when the depression is doing the talking, I want comfort. I am not thinking at my best. I feel miserable and cheated. If I am kidding myself and in denial about the connection between food and feeling good my cravings for a pint of Cherry Garcia outweighs all my memories of past negative experiences. I find myself with a spoon in hand. I pay a high price for those brief glances at pleasure. That sugar will destroy me for days, and what is even worse is the Ketamine is weakening, and the battle is on.

I should be able to control what I eat so I can give myself better chances for feeling great, but habits are locked in place. Great – now I have even more work to do.

Acceptance.

This illness, my nemesis depression, I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want to admit it has control. I am a huge control freak. I don’t want to accept all the issues having treatment resistant depression carries with it. I wasn’t given a choice. This is my history and future. I am beginning to learn to manage the roller coaster I feel I live on most days with the help of Ketamine therapy, but I won’t lie and state I am a master at it. I am gifted with days where I feel like a super hero and I can conquer everything evil. I was never so blessed in the past. I promise not to digress and follow that thought any farther, because I could ramble paragraph after paragraph on how nothing helped me in the past. I could state with hostility that not one medication cocktail or ECT treatment healed my depression enough to give even the slightest relief. Ketamine has been the exception.

I was able to keep that brief. Remarkable.

Back to the conversation I was having with a close friend. I whined to her about my frustrations with feeling great and sinking without a caution sign to warn me. I am exhausted. I am cycling with insomnia. I feel my thoughts never give me peace. I feel I spend all my waking hours breaking old habits and thoughts. I am not kidding I do spend a fair amount of time working on understanding my illness and how it controls me. I spend even more time utilizing the cognitive behavior therapy tools I already paid for. I am discovering. I am aware. I have learned so much about the differences in my abilities to function in the world when the depression shows its fangs. It is bittersweet, really. I have no control. None. It is like quicksand pulling on me. I am going about my business. I am living life in the light. I am whistling and skipping down the street. I stop in front of a pet store and soak up the glories of the puppies in the window. I feel the sun on my face and life is good. It is really great. I am managing. I feel whole. I giggle at the silliness of the young dogs and then catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection in the store window and it can happen, just like that: sadness and despair. The concrete below my feet turns to water and I am drowning. What the….. Wait. What? Why? What did I do? I promise not to do it again just please allow me another couple days of sunshine and blessings. Just like that I can no longer find the patience I need to deal with Susan when the depression and anxiety take over. I find that I am fighting for the simplest things. Should I go into the pet store, watch from outside, continue walking down the street, or should I, should I? It seems impossible to hear the answers through all the doubts and self hate. It is difficult to hold on to the self assurance I had only moments ago. I want to die. I don’t want to fight. I want to be raging mad that once again I am below the surface. I am frustrated that as much as I want to be able to face the world and its complications, I am reminded that I will always have depression and anxiety filtering my mind and my world.

I was feeling extremely suicidal last week. I was exhausted. I was bitter and resented once again about having to do the constant work needed to keep me grounded and focused. I spend countless hours practicing mindfulness techniques, cognitive tools such as visualization, active thought redirection and behavior modification experiences. Why do I still find myself repeatedly saying I want to die? I wish this would end, I am exhausted, I need a break, stop, please stop? The depression returns. It pains me. I try not to be outraged. I actively plan for the return of my symptoms. It happens. The depression and anxiety return like clock work. I get my Ketamine treatments and I know that I will be more than capable of coping with any stress put in my way. I leave my doctors office 95% of the time ready to take on the world. I am ready to put my illness on the back burner and start cooking. I find myself calm and excited to be participating in this game called life. I am eager to accomplish as much as I can in the next seven or eight days. It is only now as I am writing this blog for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ, that it occurs to me that I might be setting myself up to fail my second week during the two week period between my Intramuscular (IM) Ketamine shots and the next maintenance dose. It seems obvious that trying to schedule two weeks of activities and recovery work into the one week I know I will feel great may not be in my best interest. However, I worry that if I spread all my obligations over the full two weeks, I will not be able to manage what I planned in my second week. I want to get everything I can taken care of during the frame of time I have absolute confidence the Ketamine will keep my depression at bay. The second week is far less reliable. As I have written before, the Ketamine has turned down the symptoms I have felt all my life due to depression and anxiety disorders regularly. I have been successful in going almost 12 days feeling free from the beast and darkness. I have also had occasions where the illness took back control after only four days of relief. It is frustrating. I now see the same adorable puppies in a completely obscure light. I can only hear the barking and clawing. I can smell wet pet hair. I cringe. I feel lost. I don’t want to lose hope too.

I really want to not feel rage and bitterness when the spinning begins. I want control. The anxiety and heaviness is too much. It feels unbearable. My son likes to reassure me that I have been further down the rabbit hole and climbed my way up, I can make it two days until my next Ketamine treatment. He is also correct. I know these confusing thoughts and resentments don’t compare to hiding away from life in a closet afraid of myself and the world outside those four walls. In retrospect I would much rather stress over my indecision and thoughts of doom. Trust me. Unfortunately, when the Ketamine goes on vacation, so to speak, that major drop from “all is good with my world” to the opposite feelings of… “oh hell no, not again. It is too soon. Last time I got relief from my symptoms for nine days and today is day six. Please.” I know that once the devil shows his bloody face it is down hill until my next Ketamine appointment.

I want balance.

I want to adjust more smoothly. I don’t want the presence of my depression and anxiety to be so incredibly disruptive to me and my life. I am trying to have a career and social life. I can’t keep retreating into hiding and misery every 9 or 10 days. It feels impossible to understand how I can cope miraculously with the stresses of work, family and more, only to find myself spinning and unable to find the strength to combat the darkness and sorrow the following day. It is painful. It is exhausting work. There is suffering. Every single being has their own war. I get that. I am not comparing. I am sharing. I am better. I still fight. I still get severely depressed; suicidal. I want to give up. I am exhausted. I direct my focus on trying to make it to my next Ketamine treatment and stay present. It is way too easy to lock myself in my home until I can be the best version of me. The acceptable me. As you can correctly surmise, I am a work in progress. I am all too happy to report that I am moving forward, healing, growing, getting stronger. Every day I gain self awareness, worldly knowledge, and strive to be a better healthier me. I succeed with this task more days than not. I love having hope for my future now. I know Ketamine is not a cure for my depression, but it offers me days filled with laughter like I could never imagine before. It seemed that world was for others. I am glad I can be a visitor now. One day an outcast and the next day a queen. It is the inconsistencies that hit me harder than I care to admit. I still wouldn’t exchange the freedom I have now, even if it doesn’t last more than a week. It is a week I never had before I found Ketamine.

I am very fortunate to have the option of Ketamine therapy and that it works for me. This will not be the case for everyone. I understand that. I also think it is important to know that life is difficult. Everyone has “bad” days. I often confuse a bad day with the start of a depression cycle. This is not necessarily the case. I have had a crap day and would believe 100% that the depression would definitely kill me only to wake up the following day and feel fine.

Emotions are complex.

I try to be curious. I work at refraining from judging myself too critically. I win some, and I lose many. What is important for me to remember is, I am winning.

Winning.

So, yes Ketamine is changing my life. I find I desire life more than death. That has been new. Ketamine religiously lifts me from despair. I need Ketamine therapy to tackle my profound depression so I can accomplish the personal growth I need to be whole and maybe one day find peace and acceptance. I look forward to the day I am no longer raging mad about how my mental illness keeps randomly affecting my life so negatively. That will be glorious.

I know that all treatment plans are not perfect. They all need tweaking. They all then need more adjusting. I do feel blessed to have a plan in motion. I love that I am no longer looking for yet another medication to try and have fail. I am always grateful for Ketamine therapy. How do I state this with such passion after all I have shared in this blog? I know in my heart that I just have to make it until my next appointment feeling these intensely negative suicidal thoughts. I went decades thinking this illness would claim my life. Convinced. It almost did. It almost did. I know as upsetting as the return of my symptoms are to me during the second half of the time between Ketamine sessions, I still have it to aid me. I am no longer in an emergency room having a doctor tell me I am toxic from all the medications I am on. Better yet, I won’t have repeat stories about visits to the ER where I had to have a catheter administered because my latest medication cocktail treatment plan had the wonderful side effect of urine retention. I literally could not pee. Really? I don’t miss those days. I still can’t forget them, but I no longer worry that it is my future.

Every treatment plan issued has pitfalls and obstacles to maneuver around. It can be a frustrating recovery while the mind heals, but I am slowly inching forward with the help of Ketamine every two weeks. It still amazes me that one shot given every two weeks can assist me in functioning in a world I could only dream of being a part of just 2.5 years ago.

In conclusion, If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you or someone you know are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options. If you are not in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area I also suggest approaching a local professional and start educating them on the benefits of Ketamine. Again, it doesn’t hurt to ask for what you need. ​

I have been generating a Ketamine Providers and Locations list and I update it regularly. The list can be found here and on my personal website. This list may help you find a clinic in your city or state.

Join me again later in the month, when I plan to share my thoughts and experiences about how diet affects mood and possibly Ketamine therapy. I want to send out a special thank you to everyone, from my fellow sufferers to those that love us, that continue to connect with me. I appreciate all the interest and inquiries. I really do. Thank you for reaching out. I hope others will find hope with Ketamine. I will continue to advocate Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression and Anxiety Disorders. It continues to work its “magic” for me every two weeks.

#Ketamineshot #albuqerqueketamine #abqketamineclinic #newdepressiontreatment #IMKetamine #abqketamine #abq #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #CBT #albuqerqueketamineclinic #abqketaminecliniccom #ketaminedepression #newmexico #albuquerque #theinfusionclinicofabq #newtreatmentfordepression #theinjectionclinicofabq #ketamineanddepression #KetamineProviderLocationsList #KatamineProviders #Ketaminelocations #ketaminealbuqerque #TreatmentResistantDepression #myketaminestorycom #infusionclinicabq #ketamineinfusions #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofabq #ketaminetherapy #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofalbuquerque #ketamineforPTSD #ketamineprocess #ketaminefordepression #Ketamineclinics #ketaminealbuquerque #ketaminetreatment #ketaminecenters #Ketamine #KetamineAdvocate #wwwmyketaminestorycomresourcesprovider #ketamineinjection #ketamineinfusion #intramuscularKetamine

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Ketamine: discover a new treatment

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Hello. This is Susan from myketaminestory.com. I am a blogger that suffers with Treatment Resistant Depression (TRD), Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I was introduced to Ketamine for TRD in January 2015. I am forever grateful that I was. I spent the first two years focused on my recovery. I now have an excellent treatment plan in place but that does not clear me from obstacles or pitfalls. I journal regularly. I educate and advocate for Ketamine Therapy to help treat depression. I write for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ, entirely based on my experience with Ketamine therapy over the past 2.5 years,

This blog is a work in progress. My desire is to educate both the general public as well as physicians on the use of Ketamine for treating chronic clinical depression. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder at the age of 18. I spent nearly 30 years after that searching for treatment to pull me from the depths of suicidal depression, daily panic attacks, insomnia and agoraphobia. I have spent countless times in psych hospitals, often for long periods. I have been prescribed practically every antidepressant on the market at one time in my life. The side effects alone have horror stories that could easily fill an entire 700 page novel. I have felt so desperate to escape the hell I was constantly living in that I tried ECT (electroconvulsive therapy, otherwise known as shock therapy). I believe that after a couple decades of seeking out treatments and several different varieties of therapy to no avail I truly began to believe that maybe it was “all in my head”. However, I could never wrap my mind around that because I was sincerely convinced that I would never willingly choose the world I was suffocating in daily.

Fast forward to 2015, I am once again deep in the pit of depression. I see no hope. I am done fighting. I have attempted to take my life so many times that I can’t recall a number; suicidal depression is always calling your name. January 2015, my light went out. I honestly had no fight left in me. Those of you that suffer know exactly what I mean. Trust me when I say treatment resistant depression is exhausting. I felt like I was fighting an evil so big, dark and all encompassing I couldn’t breathe. I was done. It was my most serious attempt. I left a note that no action should be taken. I apologized, but I could only pray that one day they would know and understand that I loved them and stuck around so, so long for them. The pain, hopelessness and the lack of successful treatment drove me to actions, that unfortunately many understand while others will never get it; to those individuals please be grateful you are so blatantly unaware of the world we were unknowingly and unwillingly sucked into. My last attempt was a serious one. I was so frustrated and angry when I was unsuccessful. My therapist and husband went into research mode and both were equally excited about this new treatment they found for treatment resistant depression: Ketamine infusions. The only problem was that it was a new treatment and insurance won’t cover the cost. I know for many, including myself, the cost of mental health puts a financial burden on the family. We didn’t have extra money to invest in an unknown expensive treatment. I was so angry. Why do we have to put a monetary value on what we are worth? I was at the end. I knew with everything in me I would keep trying to take my life until I was successful because the life I was living was no life at all. My husband and therapist realized I was unreachable. They kept pushing me to give it a try. We used our entire income tax return and traveled to New Jersey (we live in Virginia and at the time there were no clinics or facilities providing Ketamine infusions there) to the Ketamine Treatment Center of Princeton.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/uTOZSUPNVlU

It took everything in me to stay alive until we received our tax refund and could travel to the treatment center. It was the longest five weeks of my life. It was filled with doubt that Ketamine infusions could even help me and that driving desire to end my life. In the end, I had 6 infusion treatments over a two week period. And I am thrilled to admit it changed the direction of my life. I was fortunate enough to learn that a doctor in Charlottesville, Va was willing to start trying intramuscular Ketamine shots. When I returned home to Virginia I was feeling rather strange, but in a hopeful positive manner. When I was asked what it was like I could only compare it to an individual that has been deaf all their life and they undergo cochlear implants. I imagine once they wake from surgery everything in their world is shifted, new, scary and a little shocking. I felt like I was experiencing life from the shoreline instead of under the vast powerful ocean waters. My life, it has not been the same. I have discovered me. It is still a lot of personal growth work and I struggle, but Ketamine has allowed me to see clearly. It gives me the ability to do the work because it pulls me up and out of the debilitating depression. I get Ketamine shots every two weeks now. I want to share my experiences, educate, possibly change a flawed belief system, as well as force insurance companies to pay for the cost of treatment. And trust me, the cost is a fraction of the cost of hospitalizations and traditional methods of treatment. In my blog I plan to document my Ketamine treatments, the effects, how it is changing my life, educate others suffering with treatment resistant depression, discuss changing insurance policies to include Ketamine treatments and if I am effective in my writings I am really hoping to open the eyes of psychiatrist, physicians, and nurse practitioners alike.

In conclusion, If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you or someone you know are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options. If you are not in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area I also suggest approaching a local professional and start educating them on the benefits of Ketamine. Again, it doesn’t hurt to ask for what you need. ​

I have been generating a Ketamine Providers and Locations list and I update it regularly. The list can be found here and on my personal website. This list may help you find a clinic in your city or state.

Join me again later in the month, when I plan to share my thoughts and experiences about how diet affects mood and possibly Ketamine therapy. I want to send out a special thank you to everyone, from my fellow sufferers to those that love us, that continue to connect with me. I appreciate all the interest and inquiries. I really do. Thank you for reaching out. I hope others will find hope with Ketamine. I will continue to advocate Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression and Anxiety Disorders. It continues to work its “magic” for me every two weeks.

Originally posted on myketaminestory.com

#Ketaminestudies #Clinicalstudies #FDA #Ketamineresearch #Ketamineshot #albuqerqueketamine #abqketamineclinic #newdepressiontreatment #IMKetamine #abqketamine #abq #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #CBT #albuqerqueketamineclinic #abqketaminecliniccom #ketaminedepression #newmexico #albuquerque #theinfusionclinicofabq #newtreatmentfordepression #theinjectionclinicofabq #whatisketaminelike #infusionclinicabq #ketamineanddepression #KetamineProviderLocationsList #albuquerqueketamineclinic #Ketaminelocations #KatamineProviders #ketaminealbuqerque #TreatmentResistantDepression #myketaminestorycom #ketamineinfusions #ketaminetherapy #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofalbuquerque #albuquerqueketamine #ketaminealbuquerque #Ketamineclinics #ketamineforPTSD #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofabq #ECT #PTSD #ketamineprocess #ketaminefordepression #ClinicalTrails #ketaminenewmexico #ketaminetreatment #CertifiedRegisteredNurseAnesthetist #ketaminecenters #Ketamine #abqketamineclinic #ketamineinjection #wwwmyketaminestorycomresourcesprovider #abqketamine #ketamineinfusion #abqketamineclinic #KetamineAdvocate #wwwmyketaminestorycom #depression #intramuscularKetamine #Electroconvulsivetherapy #ketamine #ketamineforpain

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Conversations With The Founder Of The Ketamine Academy And Creator Of The Online Ketamine Infusion T

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Hello again and welcome. It is Susan from myketaminestory.com.

I am a huge Ketamine for Treatment Resistant Depression Advocate. I write about my experiences and journey with Ketamine Therapy on my personal website and also for The Injection and Infusion Clinic of Albuquerque. I have a long history with treatment resistant depression and anxiety disorders.

A brief look at my personal mental health report card includes numerous failed medication cocktails, ECT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Talk Therapy and hospitalizations, just to name a few. I admit I understand how all of these treatments could potentially help, but they never did for me.

It was a little over two and half years ago that I was introduced to Ketamine for depression. I am alive today because of a drug that is raising many questions and concerns from the professional world.

I recently spent a couple hours conversing with the founder of The Ketamine Academy, Mr. Jason Duprat. I asked him an array of questions, probably more than he expected to answer in my phone call to him. I asked a slew of questions in order to compile as much information as I could to help interested parties understand better why this online training program is one of a kind. I highly recommend it.

I am sticking with my standard Q & A format based entirely from my personal interview and the notes I scribbled down during my phone interview last week with Mr. Duprat. I would love to make an eloquent transition from these few sentences acting as an introduction straight into my dialogue and apologize for my laziness.

What is Ketamine?

Ketamine is basically an anesthetic drug that blocks pain. It was first developed in the 1960’s and was used to operate on soldiers during the Vietnam War. In the past, Ketamine has also been used as an animal tranquilizer. However, in more recent years, Ketamine has been a common theme in nightclubs and parties because of the “hallucination” element users have repeatedly enjoyed.

What types of illnesses can Ketamine help?

Ketamine can treat Treatment Resistant Depression and Neuropathic pain or nerve related injuries. There is a longer infusion time necessary for chronic pain conditions. Ketamine infusion for TRD is typically 45-50 minutes. Ketamine infusion therapy can last close to four hours for nerve or chronic pain diagnoses.

Will the Ketamine Academy have a community or forum for interested business owners to discuss the course and share helpful information?

Yes. There will be a discussion forum. We will also have a Facebook page for students to use to address questions, concerns, offer helpful tips, a space to share experiences, and a public forum to ask for suggestions.

What type of information do you wish you could have had available when you started the Injection and Infusion Clinic of Albuquerque, that the Ketamine Academy will provide?

I would have loved to have known all of the regulations I would need to look up and follow in order to establish myself as a Ketamine provider and open my clinic. I would have liked to know what the Ketamine protocol was and where to locate pertinent information for treating patients with Ketamine.

What do you mean by protocol?

Patient care and procedures, but more so I refer to the protocol for treatment. For example, what are the dosing ranges for Ketamine when administered by IV infusion to successfully treat depression and chronic pain? I had no idea where to locate the information. It would also have been nice to know what supplies I would need to have in my facility and how to order them.

Do you provide all of the forms needed to become a Ketamine provider?

No. We will direct our students to their state for licensing and regulation laws. We do not have any forms on The Ketamine Academy website, because each state has different regulations to follow.

Who can join the Ketamine Academy?

The Ketamine Academy welcomes anyone, but is geared towards Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists (CRNA), Nurse Practitioners (NP), Physician Assistants (PA) and Physicians. I would like to mention that The Ketamine Academy’s training program can be used as continuing education by students.

What was the most frustrating element about becoming a Ketamine provider that you faced, and how does the Ketamine Academy remedy those discouraging delays?

The most frustrating aspect of becoming a Ketamine provider was definitely sorting through all the regulations. A close second would surely be webpage design and search engine optimization (SEO), an important element to improve business. I can confidently assure you that The Ketamine Academy training course will cover these issues rigorously. The Ketamine Academy accomplishes this goal by providing all of the information necessary to open your Ketamine clinic in one concentrated location. I would have loved having this training program available to me and feel this course has purpose, and practitioners will greatly benefit from my experience and the comprehensive online Ketamine Infusion Therapy training course.

Will students of the Ketamine Academy have access to new information, if available, after the completion of the course?

Yes. I am planning to implement email notifications to students on updates to the website.

Interesting. I really like being informed of changes and updates to a website. When The Ketamine Academy is using its mailing list, what will be included in these emails?

The Ketamine Academy will send website updates and all relevant course changes. When we discover new and exciting Ketamine related stories or studies, we will share these with our students, too.

Will you be continuously adding to the course content?

We are currently adding content regularly to the training program. However, once the course is completed and launched on December 1, 2017, very little will be added to the course outline. There are discussion forums that will be active and worth reviewing for additional support.

Will direct access to the instructor be available?

Absolutely.

The Ketamine Academy will also have an active Facebook page.

Once a business has been established, is that the end of the Ketamine Academy’s involvement?

Yes and no. Once you enroll in our course you will be placed on our mailing list and you will continue to receive updates when there are changes to the course content. The Ketamine Infusion Therapy training course includes 5 hours of mentorship. We also have additional consultation offers. You can purchase extended one-on-one time with the instructor. Don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions you may have, and I will be happy to address them.

How did you decide to put together a training course to help individuals become Ketamine providers?

I had an overwhelming amount of inquiries requesting information on how to become a Ketamine provider. There were so many questions being sent my way. I decided to investigate the internet, and through my research, I discovered there was no online program available to help practitioners set up a Ketamine clinic to provide Ketamine infusions for Treatment Resistant Depression and chronic pain. I wanted to create a program that would walk a health care professional step by step through the process of becoming a Ketamine provider. I also saw a value in making my program an online course that would have open access, 24/7, to cater to the needs of all types of students. I finally decided to move forward with The Ketamine Academy when I determined that there was really no reasonably priced training course available. I found a couple of doctors offering to help you establish a Ketamine center with two major drawbacks: you have to apply and be accepted, and the cost was over 10,000 dollars. I felt this limits the potential to reach more sufferers because the reality is there are not too many CRNA, NP, PA or doctors that can afford such a steep price, and that is if you are accepted as a client. I wanted to help interested people avoid the mistakes I made, as well as give a comprehensive, step by step, proven method to assist practitioners in becoming business owners and Ketamine providers.

If anyone is interested in becoming a Ketamine provider, what is the first thing they should do? I mean, besides reserving a spot in the Ketamine Academy training program, what is the first thing you suggest students starting the Ketamine Infusion program do?

I guess if you are a nurse practitioner, you should start by reading the Practice Act. Doctors can start by analyzing the market. They do not need to read the Practice Act. The program will have open access, so you can literally start anywhere. You can hop around and read what interests you or select the first link and work your way through the program systematically.

Now that they have signed up for the course, what is the first thing they will learn?

I suggest reading down the list and start with the selection that covers your most pressing questions and concerns. There really is no right or wrong way to approach the program. I built this program to appeal to all learning styles. I have videos, written content, template forms that have proven to work, audio clips, interview with a ketamine patient, quizzes, and more. I tried to address all learning styles.

You can begin at any spot in the program and cherry pick what information you specifically need or you could start with our topic list. It is built in the order you would benefit and your new business too. The first topic is All About Ketamine, but like I said you can freely select the information that is most relevant and skip around the topics in the program list to suit your personal needs.

How much money is involved in running a Ketamine clinic?

That is an open ended question because it will vary state to state based on the laws in the state where you reside. I would say as low as $20,000 if you are a do-it-yourself kind of person. If you outsource, it might be as high as $50,000. You have several initial costs, such as for equipment like chairs and medical supplies. You will need a computer system, and employees. There is the cost of obtaining a trademark and logo. There are licensing fees, marketing, and insurance costs. You will have a rental agreement and most require a security deposit, adding to the set up costs. You will have monthly and annual expenses and that can vary from state to state. If you hire a lawyer or accountant, that will increase the amount you pay out each year. The training course will cover these issues in depth, helping each provider avoid costly mistakes.

How long did it take your clinic to recoup it’s startup costs?

It took me about three and a half months, but I worked non stop. I might go as far to say maybe it took five months, but that is mainly because I did everything myself, and I tend to be very focused and driven. An average person working 40 hours per week may take longer to recoup the start up costs; six to eight months. If you outsource all the preparation and business elements, you are probably looking at a year or more to find yourself in the black, but it is pretty subjective and could be more or less depending on the person.

That’s pretty impressive, given that most startup businesses can take years to accomplish being in the black. Do you feel if you had had a training course like the Ketamine Academy, you might have been capable of saving money?

Yes. I would have saved time and money. I truly believe that.

Do you feel that with the Ketamine Academy, you could save money long-term by avoiding expensive pitfalls? If so, how?

I do. The Ketamine training course will help you read and understand the Nurse Practice Act. It will assist you in determining your scope of practice. This alone will save you hours of research; time spent in locating the information needed to give the answers you will benefit from; saving you time and money. The Ketamine training course will allow you to move forward with your new business opportunity. The course will cover taxes, creating an employee handbook, hiring techniques, insurance costs and it will even offer steps for picking a location and negotiating rental agreements. The Ketamine Infusion Therapy Training Course will cover licensing and could possibly save you time and money by directing you to what forms to fill out for your business, thus avoiding fees from filling out unnecessary paperwork.

Is it your hope that the Ketamine Academy will become a central location for all things Ketamine?

No, not really. I am more interested in providing training and education to interested health care professionals. I will add that each Ketamine center is privately owned. This is not a franchise or an extension of the Injection & Infusion Center of ABQ. The Ketamine Academy will help you, step by step, in opening your own private Ketamine business. It will offer assistance but your practice is private and patient care is personalized per clinic and provider.

Will the Ketamine Academy have any services for patients, or is the course mainly for health care providers?

The Ketamine Academy is primarily for practitioners looking to invest in themselves and provide a wonderful service to a much needed community.

What is Ketamine used for?

Ketamine has only been FDA-approved as an anesthetic for surgery and diagnostic procedures. That status has not really changed over the last few years, as some might expect, given the fact Ketamine has been featured in medical journals and news magazines. In 2017, Ketamine is now being successfully used to treat depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, OCD, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), other mood disorders, and nerve-related pain.

Do you feel that the Ketamine Academy is really necessary for someone to become a provider? Why?

Yes. The average person that works a full time job does not have the time to invest in researching state regulations and licencing laws. An average practitioner may lose time and money on costly mistakes such as filing unnecessary papers that your state doesn’t require you to file. This also causes delays in opening your clinic, punishing your bottom line more than necessary.

Will the Ketamine Academy provide Continuing Education credits?

Yes. We are excited to be able to have submissions possible for several continuing education accreditation programs. Once the training course is completed it will qualify for Continuing Education Units (CEU).


What type of continuing education credits will the course offer?

There are several divisions or classes that offer credits that can qualify for continuing education. There arre Class A and Class B – categories – for lack of a better term right now. The difference is based primarily on whether a program or course includes comprehensive exams. There are also different types of accreditation based on job titles. For example: an allergy clinic might issue CME credits, a nurse will apply for CE credits and CRNA’s apply for CEU. If you are unsure if The Ketamine Academy can be submitted and used to fulfill your employer’s continuing education requirement, email Jason for clarification.

It states on The Ketamine Academy website that participants will receive five hours of mentoring following completion of the course. Could you elaborate?

Sure. I am dedicated to helping each person that enrolls in the training course. I will be available to help via video chats, email, the Facebook Ketamine Academy page, phone calls- in fact, I supply my personal cell phone number for more direct and easy communication. The mentoring/consult is designed to help assist in the complete set up of your Ketamine clinic. We also offer on-site training for an in-depth, hands on approach to covering the Ketamine protocol.

What is on-site training?

Clinical rotation. On the job training. We will travel to your new Ketamine clinic and provide hands on clinical training. We demonstrate the day to day tasks. It is face to face, in-house training to further assist a client with our clinic’s protocol, but it will be conducted primarily in their office. The course provides clinical rotation training in our Albuquerque clinic, but we are open to traveling.

Please email Jason if you are interested in arranging special on-site training.

I have now enrolled in The Ketamine Academy, will all of the content be immediately available to me?

Yes. All the course work has been uploaded to the Ketamine Academy website. Once you have enrolled in the ketamine infusion training program, all of the course content and information will be accessible to each student 24/7.

Once I am enrolled in the course, what type of content can I expect to see?

The course includes video tutorials, audio files, a photo gallery of the inside of our clinical shop, research, templates for clinic forms and employee handbook to name only a couple. The templates will be extremely beneficial. We will also have an interview with a Ketamine patient. I am sure I am forgetting to mention some aspect of the course. It will encompass everything you need to know and what you need to address in order to become a Ketamine provider. We will also offer clinical rotation in our clinic in ABQ; also the possibility of in-clinic, hands on training once your Ketamine business is established. We offer around 5 or 6 hours of mentoring. Consultations can be face to face, over the phone, or by video chat. We are open to traveling to assist as well, so feel free to contact me with any specific questions.

Will the Ketamine Academy be the type of program that employers might reimburse the tuition for?

Yes. I think some employers might pay for a client or employee to enroll in the program. I also know that if you self-pay for the Ketamine Infusion Therapy Course, you could get a tax write off.

In our discussion today, you mentioned mastermind groups. What are they, and how are they beneficial?

Mastermind groups typically consist of highly experienced business professionals and medical providers collaborating together. These groups are generally an excellent method for brain storming, sharing experiences, discussing successes and helpful tips for troubleshooting. I really want to put together a mastermind group that will meet a couple times a year in a central location. We could share our business and health care experiences and learn from one another. These groups help limit possible pitfalls because of the combination of talent and experience.

And everybody wants to know, will there be a test?

Yes, there will be comprehensive quizzes. It helps qualify the training course for continuing education units (CEU)

Many thanks to Jason Duprat for his time and candor. I enjoyed our Ketamine discussions and am looking forward to hearing about the success of your new venture. I am grateful for the time and passion you devoted to The Ketamine Academy and the training program. I am thrilled to know that there is now a Ketamine Infusion Therapy training course for interested practitioners. I absolutely love that health care professionals can participate in a program and gain intense personal satisfaction and knowledge that they will soon be opening a low cost Ketamine clinic that might just be a city in your area.

Feel free to visit The Ketamine Academy to enroll in your dream today. If you are fascinated, but not yet ready to commit, I recommend the free trial to help you determine whether you want to invest in yourself and in this is new online ketamine infusion training course.

If you are interested in educating yourself on Ketamine therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression, check out the four-part series I wrote answering questions about Ketamine use, based on my experience with Ketamine therapy over the past 2.5 years, for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ.

My first blog, Ketamine: Addressing Questions & Concerns focused on my early experience with Ketamine Infusions.

In part two of the series, Addressing Questions & Concerns About Ketamine Therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression I addressed questions and concerns about Intramuscular Ketamine verses Ketamine Infusion therapy.

In my third blog, Frequently Asked Questions: Redefining Depression With The Assistance Of Ketamine Therapy, I was a bit more random. I had emails with several questions and themes, and I addressed as many inquiries as I could.

In my final question and answer dialogue, Pondering Concerns & Questions: The Benefits Of Ketamine For Treatment Resistant Depression, I discussed research, clinical studies, and the need for changes to occur within our insurance companies and federal government so that maybe one day Ketamine will not be so difficult to afford or obtain, from any qualified professional.

I hope these personal blogs from a patient that suffered for over four decades with treatment resistant depression will be helpful in convincing you why enrolling in The Ketamine Academy‘s online Ketamine Infusion Therapy training course is an excellent decision. The Ketamine Academy online program will surely benefit you and the mental health community.

I want to know, after everything you have read, are you seeking a new opportunity and the personal freedom business ownership could offer you? If so, head over to The Ketamine Academy and get a jump on early enrollment specials.

In conclusion, If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you, or someone you know, are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit Jason Duprat’s Ketamine clinic at www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options. If you are not in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area I also suggest approaching a local professional and start educating them on the benefits of Ketamine. Again, it doesn’t hurt to ask for what you need. ​

I have been generating a Ketamine Providers and Locations list and I update it regularly. The provider list can be found here and on my personal website. This list may help you find a clinic in your city or state.

Just think, if you enrolled in The Ketamine Academy your new clinic could easily be added to my directory for the grand opening!

#neuropathicpain #clinicsetup #neuropathic #Ketaminetraining #ketamineprovidercourse #Ketaminecourse #ProviderTraining #Academy #KetamineAcademy #Ketaminestudies #Clinicalstudies #FDA #Ketamineresearch #TRD #Ketamineshot #albuqerqueketamine #abqketamineclinic #newdepressiontreatment #IMKetamine #abqketamine #abq #neuropathicpainconditions #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #CBT #albuqerqueketamineclinic #abqketaminecliniccom #newmexico #ketaminedepression #albuquerque #theinfusionclinicofabq #theinjectionclinicofabq #newtreatmentfordepression #whatisketaminelike #infusionclinicabq #KetamineProviderLocationsList #ketamineanddepression #albuquerqueketamineclinic #Ketaminelocations #KatamineProviders #myketaminestorycom #ketaminealbuqerque #TreatmentResistantDepression #ketaminetherapy #ketamineinfusions #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofalbuquerque #Ketamineclinics #ketaminealbuquerque #albuquerqueketamine #ketamineforPTSD #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofabq #ECT #PTSD #ketamineprocess #ketaminefordepression #ketaminetreatment #ClinicalTrails #ketaminenewmexico #CertifiedRegisteredNurseAnesthetist #ketaminecenters #wwwmyketaminestorycomresourcesprovider #Ketamine #ketamineinjection #abqketamineclinic #abqketamineclinic #abqketamine #ketamineinfusion #wwwmyketaminestorycom #KetamineAdvocate #depression #Electroconvulsivetherapy #intramuscularKetamine #ketamine #ketamineforpain

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Uncategorized

Ketamine Treatments And Benzodiazepines: My Journey And Discoveries

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Hello and welcome. It is Susan from myketaminestory.com.

As a brief summary, I write about my experiences and journey with Ketamine Therapy on my personal website, The Injection and Infusion Clinic of Albuquerque, and also for The Boise Ketamine Clinic. I have a long history with treatment resistant depression and anxiety disorders. My personal mental health care resume includes numerous failed medication cocktails, ECT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Talk Therapy and hospitalizations. I admit I understand how all of these treatments could potentially help, but they never did for me. It was a little over two and half years ago that I was introduced to Ketamine for depression. I am alive today because of a drug that is raising many questions and concerns from the professional world.

I have learned such a valuable lesson over the last six weeks on how far I have come in my recovery and just how quickly I can slide back into Hell. I have been eagerly wanting to write but unable. I reflect back over the past couple months and I will genuinely admit I wasn’t sure I would live through it. It has been a painful journey back.

I believe in my heart that my downward spiral began on the day I received a flu shot, October 13th, 2017. I have always avoided getting the flu shot because many members of my family get violently ill after receiving one. I have been willing to gamble each year and opt out of getting a flu shot. If I get sick, I will deal with the illness then. I do not knowingly want to inject a virus into my body. I don’t trust my chemical makeup. I have a history with medications and their side effects. I have become somewhat of a purist.

Well, this year I was forced to get a flu shot. I planned time off from work, so just in case I did become ill I would not have to work through it. I photograph newborn babies in a hospital setting. It is mandatory to receive the flu shot. I compiled. The shot compromised my system. It made me weak in mind and body. I truly believe that is where this past visit to darkness injected itself into my life.

I did indeed end up getting the flu. I spent my vacation time in bed. I was bitter. I was disappointed. I rearranged my Ketamine therapy. I avoid getting Ketamine when I am under the weather because I don’t ever want to associate Ketamine with a negative. If I am ever unsure, I reschedule. I have experienced having a cold and a Ketamine treatment. I have also had a sinus infection and have kept my appointments in the past. I found that when I received my Intramuscular Ketamine shot during times when my body is stressed, the Ketamine doesn’t seem to work as efficiently. I can honestly say that I struggled while learning those lessons. I confused being physically sick with being mentally unwell. This made for confusing times for me. I equated being sick in bed with depression. I asked a multitude of questions of myself. It seems so obvious that when you don’t feel well physically you are not going to want to go out and socialize and be cheery. I figured the Ketamine always combats the depression, so why do I still feel like shit?

Following the flu shot, I probably went back to work before I was ready. I was still feeling exhausted and low, mentally. I worked ten days in a row and long hours too. This is not typical. I try to work outside the house for around 20 hours a week. I want to do more. I often can’t say no if asked. I realize, all too often, that I routinely put myself last to help others. I am loyal and pride myself on being professional and representing myself and the company in the best way I possibly can. I do this without thinking. It is natural. I feel I should be able to have a career and work 40 hours a week. I do. Others do it all the time. Unfortunately, my mental illness loves to reek havoc at the most inconvenient times.

I pushed through the long stretch and on day ten I was so proud of myself. I excelled. I usually do when I am working overtime to deny that I am struggling. I stayed focused and determined. I rocked it.

However, there was a problem. My system was still battling the virus I was injected with. I am not a fan. I see that shot now as my undoing, so be patient during the times I rage about the injustices and how much I lost because of one flu shot. I was exhausted. I was confused. I felt lost. Why was I still sick?

I followed the flu with a cold and then a sinus infection. I was juggling my appointments and switching days trying to get my Ketamine on the days I could bring myself to my doctor’s office. At first I would drag myself because I feared not getting Ketamine and having the depressive symptoms return. It was after failing to get the same relief that I typically get following my Ketamine therapy that it occurred to me that maybe it was because I had an infection. It has been a time of discoveries but not without the painful darkness pressing heavily on me.

I do believe that when a person gets a cold, virus or the dreaded flu bug, it will compromise our bodies while the body fights the alien bacteria or virus. My doctor concurred. In fact, he tried to reassure me that I was fighting off infection after infection and that even the best of us feel discouraged and depressed when we are sick.

Say what?!? I thought I was unique. Special.

Doesn’t my doctor know that I am superhuman? I laugh because I tell him so. It is a goal that I never wrote down. It is automatic. Perfection. I want to be beyond Superhuman.

I must be. I want to be. I need to be.

Man, doesn’t Dr. Moseley realize that I strive to be superhuman and damn it I am failing? He is not clueless. He is insightful. If I feel he is missing my constant desire and need to be everything to all people, I wildly state my obsession at random times. He is aware.

He gently reminds me, as we giggle, that I might want to spend more time centering.

I am too tired.

I don’t feel good.

I was annoyed with myself.

I am positive that everyone around me was frustrated too.

I welcome November. I was to celebrate 25 years of marriage, and my husband and I put a contract on a home. That, my friends, are both amazing events. November should have been my staircase up and out. Instead it was an elevator down to that all too familiar pit of despair.

I will make a quick timeline. I welcome a new month in hopes of ridding my body of infections and gain back control of my mind.

I was already spent.

November 6th, I lose one of the most important people in my life. My world shifted. I am still reeling. I still cry easily. I don’t know. I am grieving. I am feeling.

Oh, how I don’t want to be feeling anything. Nothing. Please.

Sedate me. Please.

It was already cloudy and overcast. I can feel the demons. I am weak. I am slipping. I want to care. I don’t.

I don’t want to deal.

Please sedate me. Now.

I went completely down the rabbit hole and asked my doctor for Ativan. I am so against medication that I am known to ramble passionately about how horrible it is and why. I especially detest Benzodiazepines. I could even classify them with ECT for the worst treatments ever. I could even use the word hate. I am not a fan.

I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. My world is crumbling. I am in a dark place and I am out of matches. I am afraid. The noise is getting louder. I can’t focus. I don’t feel confident that I can stop the tragedy about to happen to me. I don’t think Ketamine can fight this for me either. I can’t ask it to. Ketamine has its limits.

Ketamine can’t repair loss. It can’t fix grief. I understand that. I know not to ask Ketamine to do all the work.

My body is failing to recover from illness. I can’t cope. I am feeling suicidal. I am having flashbacks and I fear that I may have to be hospitalized. I had to make a call. Do I let go or fight back? I have worked so hard. How is it that in four weeks things can feel out of control to the point of serious suicidal depression. I was obsessed with death and dying. Surrounded by it.

It was because of my illness, both mentally and physically, that I was forced to resign from a photography position that gave me much joy. I made the decision. It was the right one. I had to save me. Here I am feeling another loss. I am falling. I can’t be normal; ever. I am always fighting to keep myself above the surface. Ketamine lifts the symptoms, but I have years of unhealthy coping techniques still trying to demand my attention.

I resigned. I have lost a vital person in my life. I need support. I need a lot of support. I blindly believe in a recent friendship to help ease the pain and confusion. Only to have that person selfishly turn their back on me when I was in need of a friend. That hurt. I am still in shock. I don’t get it. I judged poorly. I mistakenly took my caring and efforts to help a fellow sufferer to mean the feelings would be reciprocated. This was not the case and instead of talking through an upsetting conversation, he opted to end the friendship. I suppose it never was a mutual relationship.

Another loss.

I am spinning now.

I am so done.

I cringe and shatter.

I resort to the one type of drug I promised myself to avoid at all cost.

Life?

I call and beg my doctor to call in Ativan. Yes, the dreaded Benzodiazepines. I am an absolute failure. It is either Ativan or the hospital. I am so far away from the sun that no one can reach me.

I am afraid.

I fear that suicide will be my last chapter. I wonder if I will always feel that way. It makes me cry. I fear that is my story.

The noise is getting unbearable. The desire to say a permanent goodbye is strong.

I fill the prescription. And I mentally lock the doors. Ativan help me. Please.

I opened a hateful door with the little pill.

I barely make it to my appointment to get Ketamine. I need it. I desperately need it.

Relief.

I am drowning in grief. I can’t breathe. My doctor increases my Ativan. I die a little more inside. I remind myself it is either a Benzodiazepine or the hospital. Just try to stay sedated, I tell myself.

It is now day four of being on 3 mgs of Ativan daily. I am gone. Only my shell remains. I am fighting to make sense out of the insanity screaming in my mind. Not again. What happened with the Ketamine? Why did it only give me relief for one day. Is it because of the Ativan? I am acting out. I am hurting myself. My husband holds me tight. I scream, rage, cry, and beg once again to be sedated.

Please let me sleep. I don’t want to wake. I knew it. My ending will be by my own hand. As I feared. This craziness will never end. Ever. I can end it. I can. I want to.

My husband asked me to fight. He begs me to stay with him. I cry. This is too familiar. It is too painful to go through again. I can’t. I won’t. Why isn’t the Ketamine squashing the suicidal ideation?

I put my hand out again for sleeping and avoiding.

It dawns on me at that moment as I am looking down at the pills in my hand why my world feels empty. I think I have all the answers and they vanish with my hope. I feel pathetically alone and my husband gently whispers that I am not. He is in this with me. I cry. I cry. I cry. I drift off knowing that in the morning I am putting an end to this madness.

I look in the mirror in the morning and I don’t recognize myself. What the hell? Why? I want to give up. I look deeper and ask Susan are you in there? I cry again. I find all I am doing is crying.

Grief.

Medication can’t fix loss.

I cry.

I am hurting. It is grief. I feel it and I don’t want any part of it. I want to be……

I look up and see a vacant little girl. I have seen her before. I want to mother her. She needs a mom. She just lost the only woman that felt like one. She needs me to be stronger than I ever have been in the past. We are better than this illness.

How did it get so dark? Why didn’t the Ketamine target the suicidal thinking? What is different?

I take inventory. I have flashbacks. I feel as though I am drowning again. I know the answer is right there in front of me. Think, think, think.

Bingo.

Benzodiazepines! The antiChrist for sure. A demon. How could I forget my hellacious past and my promise to myself to avoid Benzodiazepines at all cost?

The cost was my life. I weighed my decision. I accepted my choices. I figured temporarily the anti-anxiety medicine was the best option for me. I didn’t want to be admitted to the hospital to keep safe. I would sleep until I was ready. The problem is we are never really ready to grieve and let go. I know I want more memories and hugs. I know it makes tears stream down my face and my chest feel utterly tight and uncomfortable. I am grieving.

I am grieving. I AM GRIEVING!

Once again I confused my emotional language. In the past I felt pretty much numb, and suicidally depressed. It is odd how you can be both feeling pain and feeling nothing at all.

I think about the knife, pills, the necktie and that plastic bag, death. I was surrounding myself in a demented fantasy I was ready to carry out when I drifted off to sleep. My husband woke me in panic asking me random questions about the number of pills and when did I take them. Puzzled. Confused. I look down as he pulls the knife from my hands. He questions everything. What is the plastic bag for? What have you done? Susan, no. Please. I am shocked. What?

And through the fog I hear a voice I long to hear again say to me it is probably the side effects from the Ativan.

Of course.

I started to really examine the recent week. How did I get here holding a knife and screaming for death? How could this be happening to my family again?

I was exhausted. I couldn’t sleep long enough or deep enough to deny the reality. I suffered a lot of losses in November and I tried old behaviors and solutions and once again they failed me. I am convinced that the benzodiazepine Ativan numbed my ability to function and wage war on the madness that is my mental illness and thus lowering my resistance to fight the common theme when I become overwhelmed and overextended, which is to take my life. It seems so drastic to me now. I stopped taking the Ativan and dealt with the horrific side effects and made it to my Ketamine appointment yesterday.

I sat heavily down on my doctor’s sofa and announce that under no circumstance is he to ever give me another benzodiazepine. I reviewed the last two weeks and how incredibly close I came to attempting to end my story forever. I didn’t want to get Ketamine until I was clean of the Ativan in my system because I really feel strongly that benzos are why the Ketamine wasn’t benefiting me as it usually does. I also feel it was inhibiting me from utilizing my healthy coping strategies. It made me numb and sleepy, and more profoundly, it made it impossible to rationalize or have perspective.

I am resurfacing. I continue to be grateful to have Ketamine to help pull me through my difficult times. Last night’s treatment was like a welcome home. A maternal hug from a loving, hopeful, universal mom. I enjoyed it all. I feel like I am on my way. A new journey ahead. I appreciate my logical outlook on the world. I have missed my favored, analytical self. I missed me. I longed to have my ability to differentiate between the mental illness and insanity. It is a very fine line for me. I feel okay with that right now.

It is always interesting for me to write about a depressive episode after getting Ketamine. It all seems surreal and sad. I was out of control. I felt completely lost. I feared how far I tripped and how broken I felt. My emotions are often intense and I am still working on understanding them all.

I plan to discuss the new emotional language I am discovering with the help of Ketamine in a future blog. I have spent many hours thinking about the numerous new emotions I am experiencing now that the depression is being lifted regularly with Ketamine treatments. It has been enlightening and has brought uncertainty at times, but in most situations I am thankful for the education.

If you are interested in educating yourself on Ketamine therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression, check out the four-part series I wrote answering questions about Ketamine use, based on my experience with Ketamine therapy over the past 2.5 years, for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ.

My first blog, Ketamine: Addressing Questions & Concerns focused on my early experience with Ketamine Infusions.

In part two of the series, Addressing Questions & Concerns About Ketamine Therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression I addressed questions and concerns about Intramuscular Ketamine verses Ketamine Infusion therapy.

In my third blog, Frequently Asked Questions: Redefining Depression With The Assistance Of Ketamine Therapy, I was a bit more random. I had emails with several questions and themes, and I addressed as many inquiries as I could.

In my final question and answer dialogue, Pondering Concerns & Questions: The Benefits Of Ketamine For Treatment Resistant Depression, I discussed research, clinical studies, and the need for changes to occur within our insurance companies and federal government so that maybe one day Ketamine will not be so difficult to afford or obtain, from any qualified professional.

I hope these personal blogs from a patient that suffered for over four decades with treatment resistant depression will be helpful in convincing you why Ketamine could help you. Also, if you would like to become a provider of Ketamine Therapy try enrolling in The Ketamine Academy‘s online Ketamine Infusion Therapy training course; it is an excellent decision. The Ketamine Academy online program will surely benefit you and the mental health community.

In conclusion, If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you, or someone you know, are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit Jason Duprat’s Ketamine clinic at www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options. If you are not in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area I also suggest approaching a local professional and start educating them on the benefits of Ketamine. Again, it doesn’t hurt to ask for what you need. ​

I have been generating a Ketamine Providers and Locations list and I update it regularly. The provider list can be found here and on my personal website. This list may help you find a clinic in your city or state.

Feel free to visit The Ketamine Academy to enroll in your dream today. If you are fascinated, but not yet ready to commit, I recommend the free trial to help you determine whether you want to invest in yourself and in this is new online ketamine infusion training course. Just think, if you enrolled in The Ketamine Academy your new clinic could easily be added to my directory for the grand opening!

#ketamineforpain #ketamine #Electroconvulsivetherapy #intramuscularKetamine #depression #KetamineAdvocate #wwwmyketaminestorycom #ketamineinfusion #abqketamine #abqketamineclinic #ketamineinjection #abqketamineclinic #wwwmyketaminestorycomresourcesprovider #Ketamine #ketaminecenters #ketaminenewmexico #ketaminetreatment #ClinicalTrails #ketaminefordepression #ketamineprocess #PTSD #ECT #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofabq #Ketamineclinics #ketaminealbuquerque #albuquerqueketamine #theinjectionandinfusionclinicofalbuquerque #ketamineinfusions #ketaminetherapy #TreatmentResistantDepression #myketaminestorycom #ketaminealbuqerque #KatamineProviders #Ketaminelocations #albuquerqueketamineclinic #KetamineProviderLocationsList #ketamineanddepression #infusionclinicabq #whatisketaminelike #albuquerque #ketaminedepression #newmexico #abqketaminecliniccom #albuqerqueketamineclinic #theinfusionclinicofabq #CBT #IMKetamine #abq #abqketamine #albuqerqueketamine #TRD #Ketamineshot #Ketamineresearch #Academy #ProviderTraining #abqketamineclinic #Ketaminestudies #Ketaminecourse #Clinicalstudies #CertifiedRegisteredNurseAnesthetist #ketamineprovidercourse #Ketaminetraining #neuropathic #theinjectionclinicofabq #newtreatmentfordepression #clinicsetup #newdepressiontreatment #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #neuropathicpainconditions #FDA #neuropathicpain #ketamineforPTSD #KetamineAcademy

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Uncategorized

Ketamine Therapy And Diet: Insights on Inflammation And Depression

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Hello and welcome. It is Susan from myketaminestory.com.

As a brief summary, I write about my experiences and journey with Ketamine Therapy on my personal website, The Injection and Infusion Clinic of Albuquerque, and also for The Boise Ketamine Clinic. I have a long history with treatment resistant depression and anxiety disorders. My personal mental health care resume includes numerous failed medication cocktails, ECT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Talk Therapy and hospitalizations. I admit I understand how all of these treatments could potentially help, but they never did for me. It was a little over two and half years ago that I was introduced to Ketamine for depression. I am alive today because of a drug that is raising many questions and concerns from the professional world.

My question, as I am forever questioning, is which came first: inflammation or depression? If I control the foods I eat, can I reduce my symptoms of depression? Does my depression cause excess inflammation? How does it work? I don’t know. I am investigating.

I have made many observations.

I want to know. I need to know. I am still digging and searching for control of this illness. Does diet plays a part in how efficient Ketamine treatments are? Yes. Fact? I am not sure yet. I am a guinea pig in my own research. I am beginning to think inflammation is key. I wonder, can I help or hinder my Ketamine treatments by eating anti-inflammatory foods? Does eating foods that cause inflammation bring on feelings of depression? If I eliminate these food from my diet will the Ketamine therapy last longer for me? Do I have more inflammation than the normal individual? Is that why I have Treatment Resistant Depression? Is that why Ketamine works for me? Is it why no anti-depressants or other psychiatric medications have benefited me? Does inflammation bring the onset of depression? Does depression lead the body to resist and swell?

I examine.

I think there is a connection.

I will continue my study for years. This is what I know based on personal experience and journaling.

I must honestly state that I have been putting this blog off. I just realized as I sat down to write that the main reason I don’t want to write on the subject of diet and Ketamine and how they work together to combat the symptoms of depression is because as soon as I type my discoveries, I can no longer pretend that I am not aware of the relationship.

I am fully aware.

I resent having to rigidly control and often times restrict so many part of my life because of this silent killer.

I use food for emotional comfort.

Am I not allowed to enjoy anything?

I stay focused for months at a time. I compile and avoid foods that cause inflammation. I am feeling amazing.

I hit a bump in the road. Stress.

Self sabotage?

I have spent the last couple of years paying attention to how sugar contributes to my depression. I have eliminated sugar from my diet for periods of time and noted my anxiety and depression levels. My husband has said for decades that sugar exacerbates my depression. I didn’t want to hear this. I have had to give up so much already due to this horrific illness. I strive for acceptance. I work at appreciating the aspects of this disease I can realistically control and modify. I am art in progress. That is what I tell myself.

I want to be kind to myself. I know I am my worst enemy and critic. We all beat ourselves up for not meeting expectations or goals we set for ourselves. I understand that. I know I am not special or unique in the way I attempt to be a better version of myself. The problem is when I knowingly participate in a behaviors I know will compromise my recovery and health. It is difficult not to splurge when I feel weak. It is even more of a struggle for me not to celebrate successes with my old unhealthy reward systems.

Once I write this, it will be my responsibility to follow my own advice.

Okay, I have dragged my feet long enough. Please understand these are my experiences and opinions and they are based on personal exoerience. I am a patient. I am making every effort to take back my life and heal.

I think the major discovery that I have made over the past year is that sugar is evil. I laugh. It really plays a significant role in my moods. I deny this fact all the time. It is times when I really want a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup that I lie to myself about my findings.

Why do I think that sugar influences the depressive symptoms?

I am now becoming convinced that inflammation is the major culprit in causing Treatment Resistant Depression. I believe swelling in the body during infections wakes depression up and thus compromises our drive to fight back mentally as well. I think this is an accurate assessment I have made since becoming a Ketamine therapy patient and taking notes. I feel that the reason Ketamine is so successful in treating depression is its ability to reduce inflammation. That, of course, allows for growth and regenerates new cells; healthy new connections.

Old habits are hard to break.

An interesting side note to mention is when it occurred to me that sugar is the nemesis to my getting well. Depression is best friends with sugar. Think about it. When you feel sad, tired, or angry what do you reach for? Is it comfort foods? Is it a candy bar? A sugary treat? My guess is we all grab that unhealthy option when we feel we desire it because life is too hard on us. What is mind-blowing to me is that when I started to feel better and free of my depressive symptoms because of my treatments with Ketamine, I started to crave sugar! I would get my IM Ketamine shot and feel amazing for days. It was around day four or five after my Ketamine therapy that I found myself obsessed with wanting chocolates or cookies. Why? I feel great.

Why?

My conclusion to why Ketamine may cause me to believe that I am in a deep need of sugar has two parts. I believe the reason my body craves sugar after Ketamine is partly due to my desperate need to break old patterns and begin learning better coping strategies. I need to make better choices. I feel wonderful so I totally desire to treat myself to this cupcake, right? Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. I want to believe I should be rewarded, but isn’t eating supposed to be about fueling our bodies? My face has a look of disgust right now. I am calling myself out. I must accept responsibility. I don’t want to. I want to not think. I want to eat whatever my heart desires. I earned this……

What did we earn?

If we know specific foods disrupt our body and mind in a negative manner, wouldn’t we avoid those items?

I would hope so. However, that has not been my experience. We love to lie to ourselves. We are masters of persuasion. We tell ourselves whatever is needed to justify our actions. I am guilty. I kid myself each and every time I eat sweets. I know sugar causes inflammation. I am fully aware that I absolutely believe that inflammation is at the root of my depression. Why would I willingly subject myself to the risk of a depressive episode by inhaling a bag of M & M’s? I lie to myself. I manipulate myself. I fantasize that not even sugar can take away the uplift Ketamine provides me with. I uncovered time and again how false statements seem absolutely credible when we stop thinking our decisions don’t have consequences.

Lastly, I admit that feeling anything besides depressed is very new to me. It feels foreign. It feels very uncertain and uncomfortable at unpredictable times. I am afraid to trust in these new emotions and experiences. Do I desire to be happy? Do I know how to live a life without the darkness? I feel like an alien in a whole different way. I worry. When will I lose this sense of well being?

Anxiety.

It is confusing to process all the insights and information available to me. Depression blocks. Ketamine opens all the pathways and reduces the areas that are blocked by depression; aka inflammation.

As much as I have wanted to be symptom free from my mental illnesses, I am also finding it provokes massive amounts of doubt and insecurities. My ego attacks. It wants status quo. The ego rules the game if you let it. I demand control. Susan’s Ego bites back. I like to think that I am bright and self aware. My Ego blindly slaps me when I am overconfident. I am constantly being brought back to reality when I mindlessly partner up and play the self importance role my Ego loves. I bring the Ego into the conversation because it is the second reason I believe I crave sugar when I am symptom free of my depression. It is self sabotage. There is a strong possibility that at the core of my being I truly don’t believe I desire to be content and mentally at peace. I catch my thoughts and I say to myself, of course I deserve to be happy and enjoy life; everyone does. However, if that were absolutely the case, why do I make poor choices. I know what sugar has done to me in the past. Ketamine won’t change how my body processes sugar. Sugar is liquid depression.

The Ego doesn’t want me to be healthy because it is at risk if I do gain the power to silence it. It is after my Ketamine therapy and I am feeling fantastic and confident mentally that the Ego loses ground and control. I believe my cravings are sparked by my Ego’s desire to stay top boss of my being. It is my opinion that we are playing tug of war. The Ego thinks we are playing king of the mountain. Confusing. I want to work together. Not going to happen is my guess. The Ego is tricky. It knows you better than anyone. That makes twisting the facts and perceptions of the world a breeze for the game master.

Ketamine offer insights on many levels if you pay attention. It continues to aid me in questioning. I want to understand. I throw out my ruminations in hopes of obtaining clearer views of myself and the world around me. I may be wrong. I may ascertain more definitive facts later and adjust. I am not used to adjusting. I want to change what my idea of myself is. These beliefs limit me. I am aware. I am clueless.

In short, I need to avoid sugar to keep my happy state of mind. Easy? No. It is a challenge. Every single day it is a final exam I have the question and answers to, but my mind freezes and I fail to select the correct answer. I am average. Our society is addicted to food and I am no different. I use food to feed the emptiness and confusion I feel.

I will say that sugar is my top priority for elimination. An absolute must.

Studies show a link between sugar and depression. In fact, some blame sugar for the onset of depression. The Link Between Sugar And Depression: What You Should Know, speculates that there is a cause and effect relationship between sugar and depression. I agree. I take it a step future by hypothesizing that the reason there is a connection between sugar and depression is solely because of the inflammation sugar produces in the body and mind.

I will switch gears now and touch briefly on my experiences with an animal free diet. In the past few years I have been experimenting with my diet and mood. I have been Vegan in the past. And I must say my goal is to eat a Vegan diet 90% of the time. I love cottage cheese, and I struggle to cut it out of my life once I indulge. I have noticed that I feel physically worse when I introduce dairy back into my life. I have been Vegetarian on and off for decades.. I strive to be Vegan. It is in my best interest. When I first began Ketamine I was motivated to make changes in every aspect of my life. I overwhelmed myself with these expectations of change and progress. I am determined that if I can figure out the triggers that cause me excess inflammation, I can personally reduce my depressive episodes. I have found nothing supporting this, mind you, but I am investigating. I can honestly admit that eating a Vegan diet made me feel lighter and healthier. I also love knowing that I am not contributing to the harm or death of animals, so spiritually I feel stronger being a Vegan.

Recently, in the past week or so, I decided to eat meat again. I want to test whether my animal free lifestyle was affecting my depression and sleep. Was I lacking iron? Was my body missing nutrients? It has been about ten days that I have been eating meat again. And I feel like I can state that I wasn’t missing anything. I don’t feel like I have increased my energy level any. I feel substantially more uncomfortable physically. I will be returning to a Vegetarian diet shortly. Personally, for me, Veganism is my preference. I tried to implement as many anti inflammatory foods into my diet as possible. I want to be known for following my own advice and plan to return to a vegan meal plan for my New Year’s resolution. Finger crossed and lips sealed. I know that was lame. Sorry.

I am always examining my relationship with food and how it relates to my mental illness. If I discover anything interesting I will be sure to address those finding in future blogs.

There is something to the saying, you are what you eat! I want to know where the life satisfaction tree grows. How about you?

If you are interested in educating yourself on Ketamine therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression, check out the four-part series I wrote answering questions about Ketamine use, based on my experience with Ketamine therapy over the past 2.5 years, for The Injection & Infusion Clinic of ABQ.

My first blog, Ketamine: Addressing Questions & Concerns focused on my early experience with Ketamine Infusions.

In part two of the series, Addressing Questions & Concerns About Ketamine Therapy for Treatment Resistant Depression I addressed questions and concerns about Intramuscular Ketamine verses Ketamine Infusion therapy.

In my third blog, Frequently Asked Questions: Redefining Depression With The Assistance Of Ketamine Therapy, I was a bit more random. I had emails with several questions and themes, and I addressed as many inquiries as I could.

In my final question and answer dialogue, Pondering Concerns & Questions: The Benefits Of Ketamine For Treatment Resistant Depression, I discussed research, clinical studies, and the need for changes to occur within our insurance companies and federal government so that maybe one day Ketamine will not be so difficult to afford or obtain, from any qualified professional.

I hope these personal blogs from a patient that suffered for over four decades with treatment resistant depression will be helpful in convincing you why Ketamine could help you. Also, if you would like to become a provider of Ketamine Therapy try enrolling in The Ketamine Academy’s online Ketamine Infusion Therapy training course; it is an excellent decision. The Ketamine Academy online program will surely benefit you and the mental health community.

In conclusion, If you know of anyone suffering with treatment resistant depression, like I do, let them know that Ketamine therapy may be an option worth looking into. It has been and continues to offer me relief from my symptoms. If you, or someone you know, are considering Ketamine infusion therapy, please visit Jason Duprat’s Ketamine clinic at www.infusionclinicabq.com for low cost ketamine infusion and injection options. If you are not in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area I also suggest approaching a local professional and start educating them on the benefits of Ketamine. Again, it doesn’t hurt to ask for what you need. ​

I have been generating a Ketamine Providers and Locations list and I update it regularly. The provider list can be found here and on my personal website. This list may help you find a clinic in your city or state.

Feel free to visit The Ketamine Academy to enroll in your dream today. If you are fascinated, but not yet ready to commit, I recommend the free trial to help you determine whether you want to invest in yourself and in this is new online ketamine infusion training course. Just think, if you enrolled in The Ketamine Academy your new clinic could easily be added to my directory for the grand opening!

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